taking one step at a time

Happy Dragon Year '12!

2012-01-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

Just a really REALLY short one before I go to bed!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone and gong hei fatt choi!!
Eat, drink, gamble and laugh more this festive season!
Nothing's more important than being together with your family so go ahead and spend more time with your papa and mama!

x

Lied to myself

2012-01-13T01:49:00.001+08:00

Today, I dug a hole full of mud and fell into the puddle purposely. Knowing that its a damn puddle of mud.. I still stepped into it like a boss.

Okay damn it. I admit it. My hands were itching to look at 'em and with a few clicks.. I saw what I knew I would see and I got emo all over again. Well, not REALLY emo but it was enough to make me lay down on my bed for a really long time staring into thin air with thoughts running through my mind. Its been 8 months now and I can proudly say that I am already over it completely! When people start asking me whether have I moved on, I always reply with a really confident "OF COURSE!" But when I come home and just right before I go to bed.. I wonder if I was lying to them.. or rather... to myself. 4 years of being in a relationship.. 4 years of loving someone deeply with all my heart.. I gave everything to that person. My love, my heart, my time... All gone in 1 day. It'd be a lie if I said that I've forgotten everything that happened right? I've never regretted losing him but I've never stopped wondering the reason 'why' did he do such things to me.

As I was laying down on my bed listening to JM's songs.. I closed my eyes and pictured those days when I am in the embrace of his. I miss chilling on the bed with someone hugging me from behind.. playing with my hair. It made me feel like a child.. a child that was loved by someone so dearly..
I am not desperate of being in a relationship.. but I just miss those moments when I have someone missing me, loving me, thinking bout me every second..
And so... as JM sang emo love songs for me, I closed my eyes and teared,while I imagined someone wrapped arms around me.

I wish I was stronger on the inside so that I could handle all these stupid thinking and thoughts of mine. I've been working really hard for the past few weeks, hoping that I could get out from my shithole and stop thinking too much. Learning how to let go slowly and I guess I'm doing a perfectly great job in forgetting and letting go.. not of the fucker but of someone else. No more texts and facebook messages.
But wtf? Guanyinma trolled me again just now and I could not believe what appeared in front of me.
I swore like mad inside my heart for God to be trolling me this way!
Grr.. anyway.. I hope I'll let this slip off asap so that I could focus on whatever I'm doing properly. Work and studies!
I've been REALLY busy with work lately.. Come home late at night and waking up pretty early every morning. Definitely draining every bit of my energy but I'm enjoying this. Is this a bad sign? Workaholic? Anyway.. am looking forward to CNY.. I love the happy vibe and loud chatter of friends and family filling our new home.

Time to sleep now. Working like mad again tomorrow.

Good night.

x

So far so good!

2012-01-03T02:00:00.001+08:00

Hello there guys! Happy New Year! So how did your NYE went? Mine was a little different this year and I had FUN! As usual, I was predicting a 'forever alone level 99' celebration at home with my books but thank God one of my friends called me and out I went! Met up with the rest at The Curve and we went right in front of the stage where there were DJs and performers doing their thing and all we did was just dance to the music and waited for the countdown. The fireworks went off exactly at 12am (duh!) and it was just right in front of us! Which is a bad thing cause there were bits and pieces of the fireworks dropping on us.. DANGEROUS!

I don't think I'd ever go for countdowns at Curve anymore because...................................... not gonna make it too obvious but its just not a very good place to be at. We were sprayed by stupid snow/soap foam IN THE FUCKING FACE! It was such a stupid idea of selling all these stupid stuffs cause those 'uneducated people' just kept spraying at people randomly! I was literally drenched in soap!! Suckers and their stupid actions.

I guess we should try counting down at another place next time.. or maybe just chill and go for a drink! ;) But still, thank you guys for making it a memorable night! High school friends FTW!

Guess what I saw the next morning once I opened my eyes? Friends started tagging me in pictures and guess what it was?

Tadaa~!! This is me in The Star newspaper! 1st of January 2012! How cool is that? Thank you Elaine for this! This is my first appearance in the English paper and it feels darn good! What a great start right? *looks at it in awe...* Actually, I still can't really believe it!
WHAT A GREAT START FOR 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*jumps in excitement*

Anyway.. I don't really enjoy being called 'a superstar/celebrity/famous' because I AM NOT! I wish people could just stop calling me that and why can't they stop bombarding me with 'Yerrr so famous already' or 'SUPERSTAR LORRR!'

So bloody annoying and irritating. I am NOT famous and I don't WANT TO be famous! I am still the same old me and I HATE being called that way. I don't want people to start treating me 'differently' just because I appeared on the newspaper or whatever. Why am I saying so? Cause I just encountered a few people who has NEVER ever talked to me before coming up to me and trying to start conversations and stuffs after seeing it. Why are they so realistic?!
I'm still me and I have not turned into some bigshot celeb or billionaire so don't come to me thinking that way. Go away! Like me for who I am.. not for my success and achievements!

Putting all of that aside and looking forward to the trip to the salon tomorrow with the girls! Not gonna chop my hair, just dyeing it to get ready for the CNY performances. What colour should I go for this time? First show for this year's CNY will be on this Thursday and I am so excited! Can't wait can't wait! We'll also be performing for the 8TV's 8th anniversary in 1 Utama this coming Saturday so if you're there, spot us!
Hope you guys had a great start for this year and let's not stop the ball from rolling yeah?

Cheers and good night :)

x

p/s: IB exam this Wednesday and I've studied nothing! Please just pray for me that everything will go fine kay? Gonna study tomorrow! :(

2011 in a nutshell

2011-12-31T16:19:00.074+08:00

Hello there last day of 2011. You have just a few hours left before you wave goodbye and say au revoir to your year. I shall do a short one for today just to mark the last day of 2011. In other words, I can officially say that this will be the last entry for my shitty year 2011. Lets just go through a list of things that I've gone through this year.

Met Andy Lau in person. Oh wait.. or was it SAW Andy Lau? Whatever it is. He was right in front of me! This big shot uncle was here to advertise for his newest movie (then) and he made an appearance in Pavilion! Old, thin, but still looks good. - February 2011

The biggest hooha of this year for me was definitely back in March when I won the gz competition. Never in my life have I thought that I'd be bringing home that trophy. I still remembered clearly how I juggled between work, college assignments and also this competition. It was HELL! I almost went hysterical. The amount of pressure and stress that I had? Priceless.
But thank God, I had so much support from my family and friends.. especially the Lums, that I managed to go through all these and just to show how much I love them and thankful for them, I brought home this little baby (the trophy.. not a baby. LITERALLY) just for them. Thank you dad, mom, pink, lsk, lbb and everyone else! Not forgetting my one and only best friend in this world, who's accompanied through thick and thin throughout all these years.. my guzheng!
You're irreplaceable! - March 2011

And off we went to Hong Kong a few months later to represent Malaysia. Came home with a silver medal and did Malaysia and the Lums proud once again. - July 2011

Went to one of the places that I must go to before I die. Disneyland! Though this is just HK's Disneyland but it was soooooo good and I had such a great time that I almost felt like I was at home instead of being in this piece of land filled with goodness and childhood memories! Fantastic time! - July 2011

Lit up a 'hong meng' lantern for the first time and saw it soaring up in the sky with all our wishes handwritten on it. Let's just hope that our wishes would come true soon aye? - September 2011

Closest cousin, PK, got married! Happy for them and I have a new biu sou now! Can't wait to welcome their junior to the world next year! Way to go biao! - November 2011

Celebrated my birthday with my beloved Lums this year. It was a lil different so they had to plan everything for it this year! Also got my top pressie on my wishlist from Pink.. thanks jie! And also thanks to the person who showed me what a bw is ;)

Last but not least.. bigger than the big hooha up there.. I................................. am unattached. ;)

After being in a relationship with an ultra asshole bastard fucktard for 4 years, I finally ran away from the
devil's grasp. Being alone now feels so much better than before. No one to control and comment on whatever I'm doing.
Now I can officially do whatever I want, go wherever I want with whoever I LIKE! Looking back at the 4
previous years, it was literally hell. Thank God for opening up my eyes!

No matter how bad your year was, just like mine *ahem*, never forget that there will still be a better tomorrow! Few more hours till we can kiss this year goodbye so its a fresh new start! The end is always the beginning so never give up.

Laugh loudly, smile affectionately, and love passionately! Appreciate those who are around you and never wait to tell them how much you love 'em! We never know what will happen the next minute so what are you waiting for?
I will do more good deeds so that I receive good karma for myself and also my family. I will learn how to forgive people. I will not let negative memories haunt me anymore and instead, I will tell myself that I should be moving on instead of getting stuck at one spot!

Last but not least, I wish you all a very happy new year! Stay healthy, happy, and be loved! You are all gorgeous people so please don't stop smiling ;)

Much loves!

x

Take over control

2011-12-30T02:09:00.002+08:00

Click X now if you know what I'm talking about.

Have you ever been afraid? What you fear of isn't really a problem. Its still a fear after all. Whether if its a thing, a situation, a person, or something.. it all comes back to the four letter word: fear.
I have a lot of things that I am afraid of. Insects, clowns, ghosts, zombies and yadda yadda..

Ever since when I was a little child, I always had the fear of losing my parents. I used to think about this a lot. Almost everyday. I was stupid to have such thinking but I just couldn't help it. Who doesn't? Being the youngest in the family, mom and dad has always been pampering me (in a good way). Not that I'm a spoiled brat and all but still.. I'm both a mommy's and also a daddy's girl. I've never really been out of the house before and I am always stuck to them like I have some kinda super glue on. Even when I'm already 20 years old now.. they are always getting worried over the slightest things.

This problem actually struck me when Popo passed away a few years back. It felt weird when you realise that someone that you love dearly can just say byebye to you and begone in a second. I will never forget the moment when I stepped into the room and saw her lying there with the handkerchief covered over her face. It was a scene that I never will want to see again in my life. And so, I have started to appreciate dad and mom more. Quarrel less. Talk back less. Love more. Listen more. Obey more. I dare not imagine days when I won't be seeing them again.. thus.. I am working extra hard on being a good daughter. I fear of losing them... too much its unbelievable.

And it all comes back to the fear of losing someone that you love wholeheartedly. You may think that I'm a coward but hey.. this is from someone who's "been there, done that" so shut it. I was in love with a man for four years and in less than a month, everything went down the sewers. Just like how you flush the toilet every time you're done using it.
I have been feeling rather lonely these few days. I have people around me. Of course I do! They talk to me, they eat with me, they watch movie with me, they laugh with me. But sometimes.. people just don't understand the urge to do all these things with just ONE person that's enough to replace anyone in your circle of friends. After a long day at work, sometimes I just want to talk to someone. Someone who's not from my family, my friends (not a stranger too of course), or even my closest friends!
Just this person who does nothing special.. but still feels special to you. I haven't had that feeling for a really long time now... and unfortunately.. I am beginning to look for that feeling again.
Someone who gives you that mini heart attack whenever he/she talks to you, laugh with you, joke with you, even pissing you off would seem like a blessing.. because all you want from that person is their attention.. and love.

At times when I go to bed, I can't help but to hug my plushies as tight as I could, just to make myself feel a little loved and secure with them in my arms. In other words, I just wanna hug something.. or someone. Being unattached is definitely a good thing when it comes to being an independent lady. I've been through this 7 months normally. Nothing much happened and nothing much changed. Though stress and depression pops up regularly, I've learned to put my hand around their shoulders and became friends with them. Last time, I would've just picked up the phone and called and blabber out whatever that I was feeling. Since I don't have this 'privilege' to be doing so anymore, I've learned how to "keep it to myself". Or the most I can do is just to rant on my blog.
There's a fine thin line between desperation and merely.. just needing someone to talk to. For me, desperation is like.. you yearn for sex and only sex. Nothing more than that. But HEY! I just want someone that I can talk to. Is that so bad? Maybe fate's still playing the hide and seek game with me. Guess I'll just have to wait for this funny little thing called 'fate' to tap me on my shoulder and shout TAG!

Falling for someone is not a sin. Definitely not. Falling in love is something that one cannot control. You can't blame me for falling in love with an animal (my whale). You can't blame me for falling in love with Japan. You can't blame me for falling in love with an anime character. You can't blame me for falling in love with money.
No one can point at you with their index finger and say "You are NOT doing the right thing by falling for this guy/girl!"
If you've ever encountered someone who's said that to you, ask that person to go fly kites. We may fall for the wrong person.. but we still need time to get our heads off from the hole. You don't fall in love with one overnight, and you definitely don't fall OUT of love overnight. The process of 'unliking' someone may be longer than the 'liking' process. It may also hurt a thousand times more.. but all we need is some time and till our senses come back to us, everything will just be as fine. So never judge someone who's being all emo and stuff just because he/she is falling out of love. Pat him/her on the shoulder and tell them that they're doing a good job instead. Sometimes, being a nicer person won't hurt.

I am afraid of falling in love once again.. unfortunately, I already am. This is why I am trying my hardest to pull myself out from this quicksand. Before I dwell on any longer.. I really have to stay strong and do things right. Pat me on my shoulder or give me a hug or send me a text to let me know that there's still people out there that cares for me.. cause all I could do now is to hide inside my blanket and cry silently.. with a broken heart.

x

p/s: I couldn't resist but to UNintentionally 'cared' about it. It? Him? It. I'm such a loser when it comes to these things. If love was a game, I'd have lost when I haven't even started. But still.. I am glad that he's okay.

p/p/s: What's everyone's plans for this NYE? Hope its something worth remembering. Predictions for now are still staying at home, watching the tv, online.. or read a book. Thankful enough, I'm not working on the weekends! Though I'll still have to go for a show on Sunday night, but there's no lessons and work on Saturday and Sunday morning! How fun. A year has passed.. and this has definitely been a really bad year for me. Hope 2012 will be treating me right. Time to reflect this year and I guess my new year's resolution is to earn more money and become stronger? My new year's resolution for my family is for everyone to stay healthy, happy, and loved always. Are we supposed to kiss someone on NYE? I guess I'll settle with my whale then. Closer and closer to 2012! Everybody be good :)

Christmas eve and day - best part of 2011!

2011-12-27T02:05:00.006+08:00

Hello everyone! Merry belated Christmas! I hope you guys had tons of fun like I did and this year's Christmas was the very best. We've never really bothered celebrating this festive season before but this year.. I guess everyone's adrenaline rush kicked in and we totally went all out from decorating the house with a Christmas tree, spraying snow sprays and popping party poppers at 12am! We had close friends over and I have to say that everyone had a good time. Well even if they didn't, I am sure I did!

First we started off by spraying patterns like snowflakes, christmas tree, santa and mistletoe on the wall and glass door.

Pretty lil comet. Anyone needs to make a wish? We still haven't wiped it off yet! Hahaha.

Horny looking Santa

Having fun spraying on some bells and mistletoe. Gorgeous!

A lil pressie from Jessica. Thank you dear!

Main character of the night. Jhan then decorated the whole ambiance with some candles. Good job dude!

There you have it. I'm gonna go get some of these babies when I step foot on Ikea next time. They smell REALLY good and the colour looks really nice too!

Not forgetting.. the headgears! Loving my antlers and Connie has her tiny lil snowman/santa on too! I also painted my nails green just to match the whole atmosphere. I know red would be a better colour but I'll look old with red nails! nyaaaa~

Carmen and I. She has the same mini santa/snowman as Connie too!

Chekis took that night. Which I cannot find after! I am still searching frantically for all these pictures cause its no where to be found! Who cleared this? Please don't tell me someone threw it into the trash bin accidentally... *frowns* please come out by yourself cheki pics!

Pink and I

And we went out and stood in the middle of the road just to take ugly pictures like these! I was posing as a 'nose digger'. Not a 'gold digger'. *sings kanye west*

One of 2 gor's xmas gift to me - a kiss! He and dai gor also gave me a set of cute lil cats, which I am thinking of where to put those little cuties at. Then he gave me a tshirt that says "I'll trade my brother for a cupcake"! Thanks 2 gor! Mwaks to you! Hope you liked the choc and the note! LOL!

Another kiss from dai gor! This is really a 'BEAR HUG'! Thank you dai gor for the pressie too! *mwaksss*

And after a few drinks, Khay Gor went all tipsy and crazy. He was laughing all the way while he picks up trash for us! Look how tall he is! *hmph* Felt like a dwarf when I stand next to him ;(

Finally had the chance to show this soh lou the beluga whale! I guess he was amused by the cuteness of this lil boy! Nyahaaha~ Not to mention that he also did a handstand with a santa hat on! sei soh lou!

It was a great night filled with booze, laughter and love. Glad to see everyone's faces were plastered with smiles. We then went over to Johor for a 1 day trip and I had to say that it was superb. Best day ever and it was a darn good experience. Woke up at 6.15am to shower and got ready by 7am. Went for breakfast first and off we went to the famous 'Johor Premium Outlets' to shop our butts off. Sat in JJ's car with Khay Gor and throughout the whole journey, I was lucky enough to have JJ's enormous doggie plushie to accompany me! It was fun listening to the guys talking bout all sorts of 'guy things' and how they swear/curse at drivers who block their way. The best thing was to watch how they flash those cars who're driving too slow for their liking!

That place was certainly an eye opener as its like a market of branded stuffs located in the middle of NO WHERE! People were going in and out and it was a crazy scene. Too bad I didn't have time to snap photos of that place cause I was too excited to shop! Shopped for a really long time and all of us went back with plastic bags in our hands. Stopped by Seremban for dinner and of course we went to the infamous Chau Kueh Teow! Have to say that its not that good anymore. Very oily and tasteless. MEH.. Went back home after that and I LITERALLY passed out on the bed after showering and woke up the next day at 12pm. ME GUSTA. Haven't been sleeping in that late for a very long time and the feeling is darn good!

Talking about Seremban, I really have to go to the temple of "Yuet Lou" (Chinese cupid) and pay him a visit! Heard from the brothers that it works and I wanna try my luck too! Muahahahah!

This year's Christmas was a good one and let's hope that it'll be as good as this, or even better, each year! :')

Now I'm waiting for New Year's Eve and I am 100% sure that I'll just be staying home, counting down and watching the fireworks on TV. Sad.. I wish I could go out too! *sniffs and prays*

Good night for now and once again, merry christmas!

p/s: I think I kinda lied when I said that my feelings were fading away... cause its certainly doing the opposite thing....... *arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!* But I had to admit that.. it was the best 45 minutes of my life. *shy*

You wanna play a game?

2011-12-23T01:12:00.003+08:00

Today, God totally trolled me. I could feel that he was laughing at me with his me gusta face on saying "bitch please!", adding on a yaoming meme face. *headdesk*

There I was listening to songs while I suddenly just daydreamed. I actually realised that my feelings were slowly fading away. Don't know if its a good or bad thing. I'm guessing its because of the 'inner me' forcing myself to forget bout this thing asap. Was just tweeting about how 'proud' I was for my feelings to be fading away this soon and after I clicked "send tweet", again.. I stoned there for a few seconds looking into thin air. Shaking those stupid thoughts away, I looked to my left and suddenly.. I saw an image that I would've never thought of seeing in my life.
There he was standing right there. I bet my heart stopped a beat and the mini heart attack I got? Indescribable. I believe I turned away (to the right, looking like an idiot) in less than a second, hoping that he hadn't noticed my presence. I stumbled and looked to the back, looking like an idiot again just PRAYING that we'll never make any eye contact, or even for him to notice me. I must've stared at NOTHING at the back of the car for a very long time cause by the time I looked upfront again, my neck hurt a lil.
I felt so stupid and ironic and I messed up my hair like a fool, buried my face in my palms and screamed a silent but yet ear piercing scream inside of me. I stole a glance, half hoping that he's still there.. but also half hoping that he'd be gone. And with a sigh of relief, I hit myself hard when I realised that he wasn't there anymore. I bet he didn't even noticed me! Why am I making such a big fuss out of this.. what? 2 seconds encounter of the day? Even if he DID saw me, what the hell's the big deal? Who am I? Right?

Now that explains the first line of this entry. When I thought that guanyinma wasn't looking at me, she proved me wrong right away. Can you imagine the irony of the whole situation? I was just tweeting bout how my feelings were fading away and all of that stuff (also because I haven't been talking to/seeing him for a while now) and VOILA! Guanyinma decided to play tricks on me by making him appear RIGHT at the moment. The 'perfect' moment. How the hell can this be even true? I mean.. c'mon! Right when I LEAST expect to see him appearing, and there he is standing right there? But when I hope to just catch a glimpse of him, I don't even see his shadows.
Is this a lesson that teaches me on how to 'expect less'? Or is this just plain ol' guanyinma's tricks on poor lil me? I feel like running around the football field for 10,000 times while I scream FML non stop.
I am now in the FML mode again. FML.

*slaps self* I am doing a good job and obviously I am trying bloody hard to forget bout everything so GUANYINMA for buddha's sake please stop playing tricks on me! This "I'll-let-you-see-him-when-you-don't-want-to" thing has been going on for WEEKS and I am sick and tired of it! I just wanna get it over and done with so please.. no more interrupting me pleaseeeee!! *prays hard*

Sigh.. Christmas is just around the corner and I haven't even started on writing the cards yet. Shall really do so tomorrow after meeting up with my long lost aunt. Having a partay this Saturday and hoping that it'd be a really good and memorable one. Never had a Christmas party before.. so you can see how excited I am with all the santa hats, deer antler bands and yadda yadda. Praying that everything will turn out to be one hell of a night for everyone. After Christmas, I'll be looking forward for NYE instead. I am so done with this year. No more looking back and no more regrets. What has happened has happened and I will be welcoming the year of 2012 with open arms. May it be filled with happiness, laughter, love and good health for everyone!
Still no plans for NYE yet. Wondering if anyone's gonna ask me out for a party? Some booze would do just the magic on the last day of this horrible year!

I'm also SUPER looking forward for the coming CNY as we are ONCE AGAIN performing in 1 Utama!! *throws confetti* I've always LOVED performing there cause... I don't know? Its just fun! Every time I perform there, I'll bump into someone I know for sure and that's a really nice thing ;)
Too bad we'll only be playing in the Old Wing but hey! Who cares? I'll just enjoy and do my thing and bring joy to other people with my music. Though I can't really bring joy to MYSELF.. but I certainly want people around me to be happy and healthy.
We'll be playing some really different pieces this time and that's probably the core reason for me to be looking forward to the performances. Something different, new age, and ONZ! Can't wait to stand there and work those pieces out!

Guess its time to sleep. Okay maybe not.. Maybe I'll just flip a few pages of the comic I just bought before I hit the sack. I haven't been buying any mangas for MONTHS! Can you even imagine that? A manga junkie like me? Survived months without getting new comics? Geez.. I'm good at this endurance thingie. If it weren't for the assignments, I would've stocked up at least a bundle of new comics from the bookstores. Now, I can finally relax and read my books.
So here you go.. good night everyone. Happy Winter Solstice and hope you had a great dinner with all of your loved ones tonight. Be good.

x

p/s: I am still debating with myself! I saw a huge Stitch selling in 1 Utama that day and it looked so adorable but its so expensive! Damn it! Its like a hundred bucks for a Stitch! There was even a bigger one and that was 180 bucks. Kidding me? But I really liked it.. I'm such a sucker for soft toys. blergh!

Fool

2011-12-20T02:25:00.002+08:00

Have you ever gave up on something that you're not even supposed to chase for in the beginning?

I'm a hundred and one percent sure that almost every single living thing in this world felt this way before, and I am sure how it feels like when you're in the process of giving up. It sucks and the best part of all is when your heart feels so pain, its like you're dipping a freshly cut wound into the sea. Ouch? Ouch.

Honestly, there's really nothing much to begin with. All along I knew that it'd be a "mission impossible" and I knew that I should have given up earlier. Now that I'm already climbing halfway through the tunnel, I find it tougher getting out than getting in.
I am dreading to get out from this dark and crazy tunnel but why do I keep slipping back down as if someone's pulling my legs down there? I am trying my hardest to just wake up from this nightmare.. I really am.
I feel even worse when someone close to me gave me really obvious hints to just turn on the light bulb in my head. How can I not listen when I know that all he really cares about is me? He's been asking me to look properly and to not do stupid stuffs. How can I not listen? I know that he loves me and cares for me dearly but that moment when those words started crawling into my ears, my tears almost gushed out and I fought so darn hard to keep them from falling. I felt really stupid and sad at the same time.

Stupid cause I fell for the wrong guy. Sad cause he's just telling me the ugly truth. I just wanna wake up from this nightmare and live my life normally again. Why is it so difficult? I really miss those days when I don't even know what the heck is love. Nothing to be emo about. No one to cry for.
Now in this very moment.. I just wanna say.. 我也不想。。

Someone wake me up please.... I don't wanna dwell on this anymore..

I'm the stupidest human alive.

Bye Deb :(

2011-12-18T00:52:00.008+08:00

Feeling a lil down now.. Deb left this morning and we all felt really bad and sad cause we couldn't send her off at the airport due to some reasons. We really really wanted to send her off but but but..... *sobs* we couldn't..

Anyway, we went out for drinks on Friday night and it was the best 2 hours of our lives. We had beer and food and by the time we were supposed to make a move, everyone was already hooha-ing around like monkeys. I may be a bit tipsy but I was still feeling damn emo cause I still don't like the fact that Deb's gonna be gone for 2 years.. though she'll come back in July but that's 7 months away from now!! Can you imagine how long is that? We've never been away for so long before and now we can't ask her out for movie + lunch and karaoke anymore..

Deb's been a really great friend to me since the starting of high school and we've been through many things together and my only best friends are only Vic, YY and her.

Now there's only 3 of us left and we can't order Coke for our babe whenever we go out anymore! *sniffs*

We all miss her already.. Good to know that she's already at her Aussie home now. *sigh* Why must everyone leave? :'(

Miss you already Deb.. be good there and don't drink too much Coke kays? *hugs*

Pics from that night..

The girls.. Bestest friends in my world..

This time with Aaron, our bitch. Haha! We were doing the 'xi gua tian bu tian' thing that's why everyone's so happy.. *hugs all of 'em*

One of our favourite thing to do. Nge nge camwhore like this! Haha.. luckily this time everyone's in the picture. Fav pic of the night

And I dedicated a kiss to my babe :') *MUAKS!* Have fun over there babe. We'll all miss you! Don't forget to update us kays?!

***

Trolled at home today. Painted my nails and was forced to go over to aunt's house for dinner. Read PC's book and fell asleep and felt as bored as ever. So unexciting! Meh... time to sleep again else I'll pour the whole bottle of concealer onto my eyebags. Oyasumi!

Bits and pieces of my mind now

2011-12-16T01:00:00.004+08:00

This post has nothing to do with anything. I just had the sudden urge to blog because again, I am in the state where there are TONS of stuffs that I am DYING to spill out. But the saddest part is, I have no one to talk to.. Click X if you want now.

I was just day dreaming when I suddenly thought of a few things about.. well.. myself.

I see so many pretty girls walking around and I kinda did a really stupid thing which was comparing myself to them.. And then suddenly I began comparing myself with other people.. not only those hot chicks.. but just to anyone.

I'm just gonna list down things that came across my mind. No particular order at all. Just stuffs that flashes through my mind and makes me wanna write it down. Click X now if you want to.

I.......

- consider myself a boring type of girl because I play a traditional Chinese instrument which people think is boring because of the word "traditional".

- only go to work and college every single bloody day..

- rarely go out to enjoy. If you consider watching a movie alone is enjoying myself then its up to you to judge me.

- rarely go out because no one brings me out.

- am always dressed in a simple tshirt and a shorts/jeans with a pair of slippers.

- have no 'sexy' clothes. Look at my wardrobe and you'll see a whole collection of my tshirts.

- am fat.

- don't go out and socialize as much as other girls do.

- don't really wear short skirts. The only time I wear dresses/skirts shorter than my knee length is when I wear cheongsam to work.

- read sappy emo books and comics and cry myself to bed after reading.

- watch anime like an otaku and imagine myself to be in the anime.

- listen and sing to sappy emo songs a lot, and then get emo myself.

- get emotional very quickly. I cry very easily.. but I can also laugh super easily.

- am always wanting to go out and have some fun rather than staying in my room doing nothing.. but I'll always disappoint myself cause I'll still end up in my room alone.

- have 3 siblings and I don't really see them everyday. When I am at home, they will be out. When they're at home, I'll be out.

- really like to hang out with my siblings because its the only time we get to crap with each other. but I only get to go out with them once in a blue moon cause they never do give a damn bout me.

- am always worried bout my family members. When I know any of them is feeling down, I will always text or message or ask them, and I will get worried and think of negative stuffs and will try my best to make them laugh with my stupid idiotic jokes. I can even make myself looking like an idiot just to cheer them up a lil.. but this has never really happened to me before because again no one really gives a damn bout me.

- am always trying to make plans for the family to do something together.. like going out or stuffs like that but they never really do because I'm not 'cool' enough to fit in the gang.

- always get very sad and down whenever I am at home only with my parents.. Whenever I look at them watching the TV, I feel even sadder cause I realise how much they've grown old and it breaks my heart every time I think like this..

- often think that I lead a not so pleasant life. Though I have enough food, shelter and all those basic needs.. sometimes when I look back on what I've been doing for the past few years.. I just feel stupid because its like I've wasted a few years of my life doing the same stuffs.

- really hate it when things become like a routine. Especially like how I go to school, work, and come home and sleep. I'm not trying to say that I wanna be a damn party animal.. but if you (yes, you who are reading this) need to have some fun sometimes, don't you think I need 'em too?

- am always looking forward to have the whole family seated in the dining room having dinner.. but this never really do happen every day.. there's always someone missing and it sucks.

- am afraid of falling in love again. When people first told me that I'll have a phobia of falling in love 6 months before, I scoffed at them and said that I would NOT. Now that I AM falling for someone, I realise that and I feel really afraid now.

- miss the feeling of falling in love, hugging someone you really care and kissing dearly.

- should say that I lack of love. I don't lack of attention. Just love.

- feel stupid for chasing something that's never been in front of me. I keep telling myself to let go of the feeling but I just can't.

- need more time.

- hope that I will soon forget about him cause I can't let myself sink deeper and deeper.

- keep repeating the sentence above but the more I repeat.. the more I wanna see him/text him.

- feel stupid when I cannot maintain a conversation with him.

- feel even stupider when he only talks to me more when he's tipsy.

- feel ten thousand times stupider when he doesn't reply and I will not reply too.

- feel ten million times stupider when he walks pass me acting like he didn't see me.

- feel ten billion times stupider when I realised that its a total one-sided thing.

- feel ten gazillion times stupider when our face to face conversation only lasted with 3 sentences.

- like a complete idiot when I cry just because I think too much.

- want to be in love again.

- want to spend more time with my family and siblings.

- want them to know that I am no longer a stupid young kid who knows nothing bout this world.

- want them to know that I am already an adult.

- need to break free and not let myself drown into that stupid emo world again.

- had the courage of 'JUST DOING IT' and forget bout everything for 5 seconds.

- think I need to sleep.

These are a few stuffs that came across my mind as I blog and I just thought that it'd be interesting to just list out every single thing out and not make a blog entry bout each thing one by one. I think I need to sleep now.. Continue tomorrow.. *sighs*

p/s: Now that we've handed in our assignments, I seriously don't mind to go for some party...... but you know what? I'll just have a slumber party with my plushies and books this weekend in my room. FUcking sad. I am officially in the FML mode.

au revoir 1

2011-12-07T21:40:00.002+08:00

Actually I really didn't wanted to blog at all. With all my fucking assignments piled up like a mountain of buggers, I am already on the verge of going crazy. I have to admit that the workload this semester seems just a little more compared to the last. 9k words and all 3 subjects are killers. I just wonder how these smart people can stand doing all these nonsense.

Okay.. let's get back to the main thing here. The reason why I am blogging now is because.. I have no one to talk to.

Do I sound like some stupid anti-social nerd who stays at home and do nothing but to read some witchcraft story books the whole day?

I know I do.

Because I AM. Okay maybe I'm not. I am just a sad lil bitch who has no one to talk to when I NEED to do so badly. Yes I have family I have friends. I HAVE EVERYONE.

But do you seriously expect me to tell my problems to my parents? No sorry.

To my siblings? Guess not.

To anyone else? My friends? I don't wanna make them emo with my problems.

I tried to talk to people really close with me. But before I could even get into what I really wanna say.. they've already kicked me down the cliff with a sharp kick on the back.

"You're not the only one with problems"

Like... wow..

Seriously?

Okay.. *walks off*

I know I am not the only one with problems. But I thought that I AM supposed to go to you guys when I'm clouded with problems? I'm not even asking you guys to solve my damn problems! Just listening to me will be such a bloody blessing already but NO. I can't even do that.

I can't even TALK.

I CAN'T BLOODY TALK TO SOMEONE?

Fuck me already.

I would never say such things to someone who needs to talk. I mean.. come on. If someone comes and talk to me.. Its pretty obvious that they bloody NEED you right? If not, what's the point of them talking to you? They too have a thousand and one friends but out of all, she/he came to you. Don't you feel SPECIAL because you're the person that she/he thinks of when they have problems?

Again I repeat: I WILL NEVER TELL SOMEONE OFF IF THEY NEED ME.

Seriously.. call me in the middle of the night, I'll listen to you with my eyes closed. Mark my words. Print screen this and shove me in the face if I ever break this promise. Anyone. Do it.

I can totally understand my mood swings for the past few days (cause of my PMS duh) but now that I'm done, why am I still feeling this way?

Maybe its because we just didn't talk today. *sighs*

2 more days till I wave goodbye to being a 'teenager'. Saying au revoir to the 1 in front of the digits and welcoming 2 to take its place. Not excited. AT ALL.

Don't call me an emo bitch. I am NOT.

I'm just not looking forward to it cause I can already predict what's gonna happen on that day.

Wake up - lunch - do assignments - dinner - eat cake - watch xfactor - go to bed.

VOILA!

Then wake up tomorrow morning - do assignments - go to work - come home - do assignments again - sleep.

VOILA 2ND TIME!

Don't you dare call me an emo bitch. Its so predictable.. Just hope that someone could just bloody drag me out from the house after dinner and go for a drink. Sad enough, my friends are all decent people, even though I am pretty decent too, but these few days I just feel like going for something more than the tea mamak serves. I need to have some fun too. Why can't anyone understand me?

Sometimes I get so depressed and emotional because no one understands me. I can probably win the awards of "easiest laugher" and "easiest cryer" at the same time.

I laugh and get happy super quick and easy. Do just ONE funny face and I'll be laughing like a dork though I really hate you.

I cry DAMN easily. I cry when I listen to songs, read comics and etc.

My emotions are like roller coasters at times. Because I get so emotional easily, I just need more happiness in my life. 70% of what I am going through now can make me cry whereas the other 30% are either happiness or mixed emotions.

I get so sad sometimes when I know that I can't talk to no one.

I just sit in my room and sing emo songs.. like now. Then I'll start getting depressed and in less than 2 minutes, tears will start falling. Whoever who's calling me an emo shit now can slap yourself now cause you're not me and you're not going through what I am going through now.

Its like when you reach out your hand for someone, that someone in the dark just pushed you aside with a rude thug. Now I know how befrienders make a living.. I myself would really consider calling a befriender if this goes on.

Okay I'm kidding.

BUT STILL. Sigh..

Maybe its the stress from the assignments that's making me feel like crap now. Just a few more days and I'll be dropping them into the pigeon hole and soon we'll be off for dinner and some booze with the new gang of friends!

*slaps self* stay positive lym.

Okay.. back to assignments.

Happy birthday in advance lummannmann.. *hugs self, sings happy birthday song to self*

p/s: I keep telling myself to forget bout you but the more I do, the more I fall for you!!! I wanna see you.. *sniffs* but I don't wanna see you.. I wanna talk to you so badly.. I stopped myself from talking to you today and I did but I feel really emo and down now..

wtf am I doing la?

*bangs wall*

I am not 5 years old anymore!

2011-11-30T23:49:00.005+08:00

I just wanna blog a really short post before the clock strikes 12, welcoming the last month of 2011, which is also my month.

November, like any other months, wasn't really that all fascinating to me. Or so I could say, this whole bloody year was a total mess. Things were all over the place, messed up, this and that. Too many for me to even bother recalling. Just another more month and you're good to go, 2011. Obviously hoping and PRAYING to guanyinma that 2012 will be a good boy and treat us all well. As much as I love welcoming December to my open arms, I am also dreading it as our assignments' due date's just 2 weeks more! This is a total torment for me and good Lord, they're all piling up like damn Mount Fuji!!

These 2 weeks are gonna be terrible but again, I am looking at the bright side... just to be on the positive track.

I must admit that I've been in a really foul mood for the past few weeks. Blaming it on PMS or whatever I can, but the one and only reason for me to be feeling this way is not as simple as having PMS or assignments' stress.. Le sigh.

All I could do now is leave everything to fate. Then I'll hope, pray and have faith that things will work out. If these feelings could last for a few more weeks, I'll probably make a move. If it dies off soon enough before I could even realise it, then I'll just let 'em slip off.

Of all people... I fell for you. What a miracle! Si ikan... sniffs.

Still still still waiting for my babyboy beluga whale plushie to arrive. Pink bought it for me as my birthday gift and I am anxiously waiting for it to arrive!

Again, if it wasn't for si ikan I wouldn't know of beluga whale at all. I fell in love immediately when he first showed me and ever since then.. I'm love sick.. of beluga whales.

As if I'm not crazy enough.. today when I was alone browsing through mags and books, waiting to go into the cinema, I looked up and I saw a magazine with a beluga whale on the cover! At first I hesitated and wasn't really sure if its really a beluga, and then I flipped open and I saw a whole article covering bout them! I was so excited and I quickly browsed through the article and decided to walk over to the cashier and I paid. After paying 18 bucks, I realised that its a magazine for divers... *headdesk*

Whatever it is.. I paid for the beluga! Hmph!

Talking bout birthdays.. I'm not looking forward for my own birthday. Wait.. did I just said that I was looking forward to it up there? Whatever.. I'm not.

Guess cause it has always been the same. Eat at home. Sleep.

Not that I'm complaining or whatsoever, I really do enjoy having meals at home. Why burn a hole in everyone's pockets just for a stupid dinner? I rather eat at home and plus, I can even request dishes that I want to eat!

Its just that... Its like......................

*says with a darn soft voice*

no one really cares?

I've always been the one organising everyone's birthdays. From presents, cakes, to meals.. Since I'm the youngest.. Whenever its one of the siblings' birthdays.. we'll just have a meal and then next they'll all dress up in fancy clothes and hop into one of the busiest clubs in town... and all we (the parents and I) are left with is just crows flying above us. Didn't mean that literally. But you get the idea.

I wonder why I never have such celebrations in my life before. Don't tell me I'm too young for that. I am already 20. I don't go to clubs or pubs with my friends simply because my siblings do not allow me to. They said those places are dangerous and if I wanna go, THEY will bring me there. But this never happened!! Okay maybe once which was last week where we went to a pub and saw DJ Roxy June BUT THAT'S IT!!

When my friends ask me whether I've been to clubs or pubs before.. my answer's NO. AND THEY BLOODY LAUGH AT ME. How horrible. I'm not PROUD because I'm anti social and all.. but I too wanna gain some experience from places like these you know.. Its not like I am bloody desperate to go but I just wanna see how things work when I'm in there.

Already I've always been a super obedient girl who either ;

1) stay home and facebook (if this is too much then go hang yourself)

2) go to the office and teach

3) go outside and perform

4) read my story books/comics

5) sing

.....

What the heck are these -_- I mean seriously.. I basically DO NOT go anywhere else other than my house, college, office.. and of course 1 Utama for our usual movie fix. Now you know why my friends laugh at me when I tell them that I never really go to this type of places.

Disclaimer again: Its not that I wanna be a wild chick running around the city every night.. but I really do hope that sometimes I'd get pulled out of the house for a drink or two.. If this too much to ask for.. then I'll just shut up and go to sleep now.

I may have been to countless places for performances.. but again honestly, when was the last time I really had some REAL fun with REAL people? Though my friends never fail to make me laugh.. nothing beats family love.

I hope they too realise that their not-so-little little sister NEEDS (not wants) to have some fun too. I am actually quite shocked at myself for taking their advises so seriously and NOT go clubbing with my friends.

Where to find la this type of girl? *points at self*

Even my whatsapp status is damn boring:

- Its either I'm at work or studying

- I'm always asleep

FML!! I wanna go for partays and haps too! RAWRR! If this goes on I will really ask my friends to bring me out! *growlllll*

Back to the topic.. I just hope that my birthday would be a little more 'exciting' this year. Though I am foreseeing that it will still be as boring.. hoping and praying sure won't do any harm right? *sigh*

Time to go to bed.. catching up with the girls tomorrow. Good night.. *frowns*

p/s: Today's the first time for me to be stepping into the cinema ALONE! I watched 50/50 and it was a really nice movie. I guess watching movies alone isn't that all depressing after all. I guess I'll be doing it again some time soon..

New family member

2011-11-22T01:20:00.003+08:00

I know I'm supposed to blog bout the 2 weddings that I went just weeks ago but I'm just gonna slack off and do a really short one for today instead.

I have been dreaming bout a lot of weird stuffs recently. Okay maybe not weird but...

Do ANY of you dream bout random hot guys? I mean.. they can be total random boys (hot ones, mind you) that you've never even seen before. And the recent boy which I dreamed of this morning was someone I know.

Weird dreams I would say. Some would talk to me like a friend and usually they just come out of nowhere, some would just do lovey dovey things with me like holding hands and cuddling but never more than that. Just like this morning's, we were in some place like a cinema/theatre and we were watching a movie together and all of a sudden, he just cuddled with me and took my hand and held it REALLY tight.

Now now.. isn't it a really good dream? He kept cuddling and holding my hand and it almost felt REAL. Scary part is, it DOES felt like someone was cuddling me.. but then I woke up and mother of God I was SMILING.

Bugger. Guanyinma trying to play tricks on me and make me feel like I'm one of the Desperate Housewives. My friend said that I am horny and I have to go release stress.

Hey at least I had normal ROMANTIC dreams!!

But to be honest, when I woke up, I really felt disappointment and lonely for a while until I realised that its all just a dream.

Sigh.. even dreams are bullying me. What to do? Maybe this is stress. Assignment due date's just around the corner and we're all stressed out and nervous and everyone's pulling off their hair.

All stress aside, I got myself a little present today. Be it Xmas/birthday present.. whatever!

Hello there.. :) Just a simple star plushie and I am so in love with it cause its super comfy to hug and most importantly, it matches my wall colour perfectly fine! My new companion. Definitely will see this lil babylove in my arms every night and morning.

Talking bout birthdays, Mom just told me that the aunts and the rest of the relatives won't be coming on Friday but on Saturday instead so we'll be doing the 'grand home-made awesome dinner' on Sunday.

Now what the heck am I gonna do on Friday?! Steamboat dinner and.................?

Stay home and do assignments? FML. I'll squeeze my brain till the very last juice drop out and I will NOT touch any assignments on that day.

I feel so sad and pathetic. This.. is my birthday. *yawn*

Giving out kissies so that I'll receive some in the near future.

Good night.

Smart my ASS

2011-11-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

This is gonna be a boring and emo post. If you're uninterested, please click X. Thank you.

Just now as I was happily clicking away in Facebook, Aunt J suddenly messaged me and said "Hello, your X's youngest brother is getting married soon ^^"

I answered.. "Huh? Why are you telling me this??"

It seems that the couple got into an 'unwanted accident' and now they have to get married. The purpose of her telling me this is to tell me "to be careful of what we young couples do". I'm like.. er.. I'm single now and how would I get into these type of 'accidents'?

Anyway.. I congratulated her with a hinch of sarcasm in my tone and I even said that even if that bastard gets marry I will also congratulate him and "wish him all the best".

She said that he wouldn't do such mistake because he is a smart guy who plans for his future.

Now.. seeing that statement really did trigger me a LOT and I got pissed off and I shot back words I didn't meant to say. I told her that if he was a smart guy who plans for his future, he wouldn't have ruined MY freaking future. Well, if that was what he planned to do, then bravo, you've hit the jackpot.

I told her a lot of stuffs which I haven't told her before and she was taken aback after listening to me spilling out things that she didn't knew before this. She apologised on behalf of him and I told her that there's no use for apologies now.

What's meant to be done has been done and I just wanna get out from this shithole and here she is, telling me something that I DID NOT need to know, and now I am emo over it because we brought up sad shits again.

FFFFUUUUU.

Why did this conversation even started in the first place? I got so angry I said all the fucked up shits he did to me UNCONSCIOUSLY and UNINTENDED-ly and she was shocked. She even offered her house phone number and cell number so that I could call her whenever I want (which I won't in a million years).

Before leaving the conversation, she insisted that we meet up one day. I don't want someone to preach/lecture me anymore cause I'm sick and tired of all these shits.

So much for a "smart guy". I think she's yet to find out that her beloved nephew is a piece of fucked up shit. Good luck in finding that out Aunt J. That wouldn't be difficult at all.

On a side note, attending my good friend's wedding tomorrow. Gonna feel a lil pain inside as I always do when I see happy and loving couples tie the knot.

Pain and happiness do come together sometimes. Its just a matter of realising it.

Good night.

Stay the hell away from me

2011-11-15T21:25:00.002+08:00

Blues kicking in as I struggle with my assignments. Realise that I've been doing without noticing the mistakes that I've done. Had to restructure the whole thing again. Lucky for me cause I just started doing. Thank God I didn't realise the mistake only when I finish the 3000 words.

Slept really late last night and I am so tired and gloomy now.. Stared at the word document for a few hours but progressed only 10%.

Hate this shit. Maybe I'll just turn off the comp and go to bed instead since my brain is stuck and I can't think rationally. If this goes on, whatever that's written on the word doc would be utter bullshit.

Have to wake up at 6am tomorrow for the photoshoot. Invited YY, Wei Ian and Wai Siong over. Hope we'll have lots of fun. The theme's gonna be Valentine and who said that friends and family can't celebrate Valentine's day? Can't wait for it to be published!

The old RO gang (just the 2 boys.. avs + talent) is planning for a meet up. Since Talent saw me during my performance in SP a few months back, it'd be no surprise for him to meet me anymore! Haha..

How ironic is this? We've been friends for so many years but we've never really seen each other. They're offering to chauffeur me back home since they are only free during weekday evenings. They are the only ones who stays in PJ. The others are too far away :(

Let's get the planning started :D

I've been having terrible nightmares lately. Frequent ones. Not ghost or yucks like those anymore.. Painful memories are also a nightmare to me now. Why why why am I having those unpleasant dreams? :(

I know the previous post was simple and lazy but heck, if you were feeling the same way like I did, I bet you'd do the same!

Time to zzz. Blogging bout PK's wedding and the photoshoot soon.

Goodnight.

the one that got away

2011-11-14T01:08:00.002+08:00

Summer after high school when we first met

We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead

And on my 18th birthday

We got matching tattoos..

Used to steal your parents' liquor

And climb to the roof

Talk about our future

Like we had a clue

Never planned that one day

I'd be losing you

In another life

I would be your girl

We keep all our promises

Be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don't have to say

You were the one that got away

The one that got away..

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash

Never one without the other, we made a pact

Sometimes when I miss you

I put those records on

Someone said you had your tattoo removed

Saw you downtown singing the Blues

It's time to face the music

I'm no longer your muse

But in another life

I would be your girl

We keep all our promises

Be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don't have to say

You were the one that got away

The one that got away..

The one...

The one that got away...

All this money can't buy me a time machine

Can't replace you with a million rings

I shoulda told you what you meant to me

Cause now I pay the price..

In another life

I would be your girl

We keep all our promises

Be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don't have to say the word

The one that got away..

The one that got away...

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don't have to say the word

The one that got away

The one that got away..

This song got me thinking.. and I cried while I play this on repeat..

Good night.

torn

2011-11-08T01:13:00.003+08:00

This is gonna be a pretty emotional post so if you're not up for some of this, please just click the X on the upper right corner of your screen now.

I was scrolling through the messages in my facebook and I was looking for a message that was sent by a stranger which I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. So I scrolled through my whole history of messages that was sent out and sent to me. So there I was, happily scrolling through.. and WHAM!

All of a sudden, I saw the name that I swore I didn't wanted to see anymore in my life right in front of my eyes.

I was expecting tears and with trembling hands.. I brought myself to click on it and there.. was the conversations that we had a year ago.

As I read through everything in that box.. I couldn't help but to cry even though I fought back those painful tears with all my might. It was as if yesterday that those messages were sent and it felt so unbelievable reading it again when I least expected them.

There was a few where I sent it to him when he went for his company trip to HK last year and knowing that he couldn't go online and call me there, I sent him messages everyday on facebook hoping that he'd be able to go online and see my messages.. but I never really did get any replies from him.

That brought back painful memories again... just like when he went to HK, I did the exact same thing when he went to Bangkok this year before I 'found out'.

He was already ignoring me even before he went there but I never really did gave up and I continued sending him texts and all, hoping that God would do me a favour by making him reply me..

I still remember clearly.. the day when he touched down after his trip.. I immediately took up my phone and whatsapped him like how I did for the past few weeks.. despite his ignorance.

"Hi baby.. how was your trip to Bangkok? Was it good? How are you feeling now? Tired? Have you reached home or are you still in the airport? I didn't know what time you'd be reaching so I've sent loads and loads of messages to you.. Sorry for spamming. Hope that you're not pissed at me for doing so.."

... no replies. Whatsapp shows that he's online and messages are sent and read.

"Hi baby.. I know you're reading this.. can you just let me know whether you've reached home or not? I just wanna know.."

.... no replies. Double ticks.

"I'm sorry baby. I won't disturb you anymore.. Have a good rest and tell me bout your trip when you feel like you wanna tell me.. Good night baby. Please rest well.. you'll still have to work tomorrow. I love you baby. I really do.. I missed you terribly when you weren't around. Please just reply one of my messages baby I beg you..."

.... no replies. Double ticks.

These type of conversations went through that 20 over days.. right until may 29th.

No one could've ever imagined whatever that I've gone through. The ignorance... the pain.. the tears every night looking at my phone.

Every time I dialed his number, I'd just leave it aside and do my own stuffs cause I knew that he wouldn't pick up no matter how many times I call.. till he turns off his phone sometimes.

The urgency to click on that damn button whenever I visited air asia's company.. praying that mom and dad wouldn't kill me if I bought the tickets to SG first without asking them.. but never dared to do so..

The depression and loneliness that I went through.

Not much food went into my tummy.. nothing tasted good.

Every night was tears.. tears.. and more tears. Phone never left my sight for even a second..

Hoping and hoping.. praying and praying before I close my eyes and doze off every night.. Ignoring everything that's happening around me..

Thoughts filled with him and only him..

Now that when I look back.. I told myself that.. I've never loved anyone as much before... Up until that evening.. everything broke and shattered and the me inside died.. I cried so much that night.. so much that it scared my mom.. All she could do was to hug and cry with me..

Nobody.. even myself.. couldn't imagine how bad.. how terrible.. how dreadful the night was.

Reading all those messages sure did kick me in the stomach. That feeling of hate and anger came back almost immediately.. but soon enough.. they faded and all was left in me was sadness and depression once again. I had to lie down on my bed and sob quietly to let it all out before things get worse.

I've always thought that I've really gotten over things.. a hundred percent.. but I'm still so weak and fragile inside.. I hate it so much. I just hope that I'll start running forward again without looking back.. I just want to. Can I?

Its been 6 months now.. in a blink of an eye.. it'd be December soon. This year's birthday is never gonna be the same again. We were together for 4 years... I celebrated one year with him.. which was last year. He told me that there'd be many more to come, and he promised that it'd be sweeter year by year.

Guess he forgot what he said after 5 months.. 6 months since I baked his birthday cake with love.. and everything went down the drain after only a few days I wished him happy birthday with a kiss on the mouth and a hug.

Fuck birthdays. Mine has never been great anyway. This year's not gonna be exceptional..

6 months.. 6 months..

6 months.... and still the feeling is deep down in my heart. Carved with a knife.. by the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.. by someone I loved so much just 6 months back.. but hate so much 6 months after.

Good night.

Hanging on..

2011-11-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

I can't be blaming the weather again for my foul mood now. Okay maybe I could. Its been raining like this for a few days straight and it hasn't stopped since then. Every evening, thunder would roar and growl furiously and rain will start pouring like it has never poured before.

You could say that the PMS is working its way in trying to mess up my mood and all but again.. maybe its not just that.

As I grow older, I realise that things are not always perfect. I realise that I have to work really hard.. like very very hard.. to earn money.. for the family and for myself. I'm teaching students in their houses now. I've just got my very first student in Eco Park and I am hoping that I'd get more students to teach like this. I earn so much more compared to teaching in the studio.

I really hope that I can teach students around SA/EP to save troubles travelling out on weekends.

There are just so many things that needs to be planned now. I've been thinking bout my future. What the heck will I be doing after 2 years? What type of job will I be going for?

Maybe its also the wrong time to be thinking of such things when I am supposed to be cracking my head.. no wait.. my BRAINS for the damn assignments. How long more can I survive before I start banging my head with a brick?

I'll have to work hard and fight for things that I want. Please.. I am trying to hang on here. Please don't throw me off the cliff when I am standing on the edge.

Thank god for my baby Hugh today that I am not feeling as bad. Just like Cris..I really feel like nomming him too. Too damn hot baby.. too damn hot.

Please note that I am not having imaginary friends or shits like that but thinking bout hot guys like that can really make me feel better so I don't see why I shouldn't be doing so.

I am so hungry for guys like Hugh or Cris.

FML now I should go to sleep and dream bout either one of them, or even both of them.

I am so gonna eat them...

Okay bye.

Hello my dreamland

2011-11-01T00:40:00.005+08:00

My feelings are rather complicated now. I am very excited but yet I am so frustrated with my darn assignments. There are a total of 9000 words (or more) to be written and I have done 0. Deadline's just a month away now and its so frustrating cause it seems like the semester just started weeks ago and now we have to hand in our assignments, without learning much in classes. Its frustrating. So very bloody frustrating.

But.. one thing that's been keeping me on track is definitely helping me. I can't believe this myself too but.. next year.. just next year..

I will be sipping a nice hot cup of latte with Kiki, Totoro, or even Howl in my cup. How bout a piece of biscotti?

And then I will be standing next to the Laputa robot, looking at him from 6 feet under.. probably will sing Laputa's theme song with Pink and 2sou and friends. We'll also be sitting in the Neko Basu if we ever find one, which I am sure we will.

And spend days in THIS Disneyland which I have always been dreaming to go. Then visiting temples in Osaka and Kyoto.. and do stuffs people do when they're there.....

7 more months baby.. 7 more months and I'll be flying off to my dreamland. Let's be patient here. ;)

I'm living my life now.. with smiles and beautiful memories being carved 1 by 1 into my heart. I'll be speaking Jap like mad in another 7 more months. This probably is the best thing that's ever gonna happen in my life. What else are there to be sad of?

I'll never look back. Ever again.

Not small enough for RM25 clothes

2011-10-20T23:23:00.004+08:00

Its pouring outside again.. and its been like this for a few days. The rain makes me calm. I think a lot when it rains.. Not that I don't think when its not.. but the sound of the rainfall is just too soothing.. it relaxes my mind and I drift away with the wind.

YY drove me down to KL yesterday cause I was ranting bout how expensive the shoe is that I've had my eyes on. She said that stuffs at SG Wang are dirt cheap and the quality's not that bad too, and so off we went.

Reached there bout 1 plus and she brought me for lunch at this place that serves HK style food. Not bad.. price is a lil exy but still affordable. Headed right inside the mall and we started shopping. Clothes were as cheap as RM25 but to my dismay, you're actually not allowed to try on the garments. I mean.. c'mon.. I've been to places like China that sells DIRT CHEAP clothes but you can still try them on. Unless you have a body of Angeline Jolie or some VS's angel, you can literally grab every single piece of garment from the shops.

But hello.. people like ME can NEVER fit into those itsy bitsy tiny lil fabric on display.

To top it off, everything's ALWAYS in free size.

Fuck free size. Gimme something that fits me. Free size is for petite/thin people. NOT PEOPLE LIKE ME.

I was kinda pissed and annoyed cause almost ALL the shops that sells cheap clothes has no fitting rooms. What the hell? Good for you, all those thin people reading this. After almost 5 hours of shopping, I couldn't find ANYTHING that I like. I stepped out of the mall with 3 hair clips, 1 belt and a compact mirror. Seriously? I was tired and as I left, I almost made a vow to never come back here again to look for clothes. I'll just get the pair of shoes that I've been eyeing on and close deal. Look how easy it was for me?

As we were heading home, it was raining so heavily and the traffic jam was terrible. Cars were almost scattered everywhere like ants. Since the traffic was bringing us to no where, we stopped by at Tropicana City Mall for a movie and we watched Chris Evans in action!

I died a lot of times in the cinema when I see Chris Evans' body. I'd like to eat him. SO BADLY.

So. damn. freaking. bad.

He's PAINFULLY smoking hot. I'd jump onto him and give him a loooooooooong bite on his neck like Edward. Damn.. how can he be so sexy? Stopped by at Borders and grabbed books and I am proud to say that I actually spent more in Borders than in SG Wang. Bugger!

Anyway.. headed home after the movie and once I woke up in the morning, I had a really bad bad bad bad BAD sore throat. I almost felt like there's a hundred thousand pieces of REALLY ROUGH sandpaper, buffing my throat like how the manicurists buff our nails. Hurt so bad and I had to stay home and rest. My cheeks are red as if I've got blusher on.. guess the fever's coming soon.

I really should be sleeping now but I'm still trying to complete the Halloween's quest in Sims!

Let's just hope that I'll recover by Tuesday for the barbecue in my house. ;)

Goodnight tinkerbells. Happy Friday to all of you sweethearts.

Never felt so lonely

2011-10-16T00:56:00.003+08:00

No matter how hard things were in the past, when I come home and dialed the number on my 1st speed dial, everything would be blown away with the wind once he speaks. Honestly, I really miss those times when I had someone to talk to on the phone. Someone that could talk to me for an hour or so.. listening to my problems, telling me how much he misses me and all. Its nice to hear things like these once in a while.

But guess I'm just unlucky enough to have all those taken away from me. Those voices that I hear on the other end once I say hello now, are either my students, my family and my friends.. or my bosses. Are you feeling sad for me too? You should be.

Today wasn't really the best day in my life. It wasn't because things didn't go well for me.. It was just...... oh forget it. I don't even wanna explain what happened but the conclusion is, I just wanted to come home and talk to someone. Wish granted? NO.

Came back after work, tired, depressed, sad, angry.. everything running through my mind and I finally gave in and cried on the bed.. and then to sleep I went.

Things have never really been the same for me. I feel lonely easily these days and I keep it in me too tightly. I really don't wanna share those unpleasant thinking and ruin everybody's moods. All these while I thought that I could make it through whatever that'll come running to me.. but I am doubting myself now.

At night, I read books till I'm really tired and go to sleep. I really wouldn't mind reading some comics like Shin Chan or Conan but heck, every time I drop by at the bookstore, all I could lay my hands on are either emo love mangas or NS's books (which are pretty damn good at making me cry).

Once, I even forced myself to get a Roald Dahl book, just to stop myself from drowning into all these love stories!

Its either I'm a total idiot or these books really bond with me. We are 'mentally connected'. That's a good word.

Was speaking to Aunt J (not my real aunt.. just a friend of mine) on facebook last night and she was actually introducing me to this really hot looking dude who's one of her relatives. Smart, tall, rich, handsome and I guess you could insert the whole "prince charming" package here. I felt really weird as.. I don't know? Cause she was 'his' aunt? And now she's asking me to add this guy on facebook.. just to make friends with him?

I really laughed a lot when I was speaking to her. She's kind and all.. I'm glad I added her. She was literally forcing me to go add him and I refused to because it would seem so damn weird if I actually did?!

But man.. was she praising him like a good ol' boy to me. But to be frank.. he really did look good. Bloody good. *damn*

Oh well.. I guess I'll be waiting for fate to come to me. *sits in the corner*

I've been reading a lot of NS's books and the previous one that I had read was so good, I stayed up till 4am just to finish it. It was about long distance relationship and how these 2 people met in the most unforgettable way.

I liked the story very much especially when things get cute and "spicy" between them! Despite that, I HATED the stupid ending. The guy died and that's it.

HE DIED.

That's it?

What the heck? They made it through so damn much and HE DIED? FHL and FML. Hate hate hate stupid sad endings. Can't believe I had my tissue box next to me and I cried.. and SOBBED so bad at 4am in the morning till I had to breathe in through my MOUTH. Are you kidding me?!

HATE HATE HATE. *procrastinate*

I'm loving the fact that its a "non-working" Sunday for me tomorrow and I will enjoy every bit of it. I'll watch movies at home and read and read and read.

And oh yeah! Before I forget, we bought tickets for Mom and Dad to go watch Fei Yu Qing live in Genting next month! I know they're excited bout it but they're doing a good job staying all calm and 'parents-y'.. (if you get what I mean).

I hope it'll be a really memorable date for the both of them. *smiles*

Oh my.. its already 2am. Time for bed!

Goodnight tinkerbells.

p/s: Its been a while since I last said "I love you" to anyone. To whoever who needs these 3 words to keep your day going.. I love you. And I love everyone that I love. You are all beautiful.

p/p/s: I just realised that there's no "older posts" button in my page. Go ahead and click those archives on the right side of the page under "yesterday" if you wanna read what I wrote last time. Its because of my theme that there's no button of such. Too bad!

Cause a friend will never fail you

2011-10-10T22:22:00.002+08:00

After college today, Eliana and I sat down and chatted for a while, waiting for the time to pass. We didn't spend hours talking but that 1 hour meant so much to me and I hope that she knows how I felt. I've been wanting to talk to someone for the longest time, often disappointed with seeing all the doors locked in front of me.

I only knew her for less than 2 years and I appreciate her as a really good friend. She's a good listener.. a good friend.. and also someone I know that I can trust to tell her everything that I've been keeping in my heart.

As I spilled out in detail of what's been kept inside for the longest time, she listened patiently, nodding at times to show that she was listening. Every now and then she would ask me questions and I'd answer honestly.

There was one question that she asked that struck me.

"Babe, are you really feeling okay? Or are you just keeping it inside?"

I felt the tears burning in my eyes already and I told myself to fight back those tears hard cause I can't shed tears in front of her. I told her that sometimes.. some nights.. some moment.. I'll start to daydream and as my soul wanders off from my body, those unwanted memories will come seeping into my mind, reminding me of painful moments in my life that I've wished that I could forget, but could never do so.

No one has ever asked me that question before and I feel really grateful that she actually took the effort to ask. For a second there, I reflected the question back to myself..

"Lum Yi Mann.. are you really feeling okay? Or are you just running away from your sadness and fear? Are you trying to not let these feelings blanket over you?"

I don't have an absolute answer for that question yet. I'm not gonna lie either. I really don't feel as hurt and sad anymore.. not even angry. Maybe I just don't wanna give a damn anymore. I don't wanna be an idiot who wastes time dwelling on the past. What's the use of getting stuck in the past? I need to stand up and run away from that black hole. I've started running and I am praying that I won't get suck back into that damn hole again.

I've paid a lifetime price of getting this lesson.

No one could ever imagine the pain that I've gone through.. and I certainly don't wanna see my friends walking my footsteps. I've told my stories to my close friends and its not that I want them to pity me.. cause I don't need anyone to pity me. I just want them to learn what I've gone through.

Eliana said something that I agreed 100%. She said that she'd never wanna hurt anybody else cause she doesn't want people to hurt her too.

She also told me that her boyfriend said that even if she falls into another man's hand in the future, he wouldn't want anyone to hurt her. How sweet is her boyfriend?

I am happy that I could talk to someone and I hope that whenever I really need to talk, there'd always be someone to listen. Thank you Eliana my babe. :') *hugs*

Have you found yourself a trustworthy friend today? Well, I have. *smiles*

There's always a rainbow

2011-10-06T23:04:00.003+08:00

Hello!

Disclaimer first. The reason why I haven't been writing was cause my internet was down for the last couple of days (I guess it went bonkers for almost more than a week!).

I don't think I'll be writing that much for tonight since the weather's asking me to sleep! It rained for a while just now and its still drizzling a lil now. Taught quite a few of students today and I haven't rested since I came home from KJ today! Went to pasar malam and came back for dinner then X Factor all the way till just now!

What an awesome way to wrap up my Saturday night!

Just a lil update on what happened when I wasn't found in the world of blogging.

Our flutist from the girl band, Joanne, has finally came back to Malaysia! She bought me a Da Chang Jing (Chinese) bookmark! Its very cute and just what I needed now since I've been reading a lot lately.

But the cute thing was, she actually apologised for getting me a 'couple' bookmark (with DCJ's boyfriend beside her haha!) and I told her that it'd be my future hubby!

DCJ and her boyfriend with my purple nail. DCJ's blushing! Kawaii!

Told WI that I wanted my BB keyboard to be rainbow-ed and he promised to bring me to the shop and fix it! Thankiew boy! My driver for the day muahahaha~

Lookie here! Its all blinged up with the colours of the rainbow! Loving it every time I look at it!

Oops. Another one with my smoking hot and sexy babyboy on my screen! *smooches*

I love you babyboy!

Hmm.. let's see if I missed out anything else... *thinks*

Okay! I guess that's about it. Nothing interesting happened and thus I'll end this up with my usual.........

Goodnight tinkerbells. You are all beautiful people except for those who has an ugly heart. :)

All I heard was nothing.

2011-09-26T00:22:00.003+08:00

12.31am

Today would be the third time that I had cried in this week.. My emotions are a little shaky and it cannot be explained as of why I'm feeling this way.

I've been thinking much more than I'm supposed to think and my emotions keep running high and low. Maybe its also because of the PMS that I'm feeling like this.. well.. PART of it could be caused by PMS.

Went back to the hometown today and a sudden rush of memories came flooding into my mind again. I realised how much we've missed Popo and looking back at the empty house now makes my heart break as it meant nothing without Popo in it. I miss her dearly and I am sure everyone in the family feels the same too..

Apart from Popo, it also brought me painful memories when we went back the previous time.. with him and all.. It seemed like yesterday.. but after counting the days, its already been almost a year back. How fast time flies huh?

I was chatting for a while with mr hairdresser just now and I was telling him bout the troubles that I faced in this whole week. Sleepless nights. Tears.. emo songs.. no one to talk to and stuffs like that. I also told him that I had a really bad nightmare.. or maybe you could call it a dream.. where I actually saw both of them standing right in front of me.. hands clasped together, laughing endlessly looking at me with really evil stares. I just stood right in front of them, without having to move an inch, with my eyes buried in the scene right in front of me.

.....

And I woke up.

I could feel that my eyes were wet and I swore and cursed at myself for having such a stupid nightmare on a beautiful Sunday morning, and yup.. you bingo-ed it again. It kinda ruined my mood for the rest of the day.

So mr hairdresser being a really kind guy and all, as usual, he comforted me and said that it was normal for me to have feelings like these and all.. I digested what he was trying to tell me and as we were chatting, I turned on Adele's "Someone Like You" and cried while I sang quietly deep down in my broken heart.

He also said that I'll have to learn how to overcome what I'm facing now and he even asked me to think of ways to how to react IF *touch wood* I really am *SO LUCKY* to bump into them next time.. which I am never hoping that would happen PLEASE BUDDHA DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN cause I don't wanna face 2 losers.

Sigh.. I found a new song and its pretty good. Obviously its an emo song so if you're already feeling suckish, please don't listen to it. Nothing by The Script.

I love those boys. They sing the best emo songs. One of 'em that I really loved (and also cried while listening to it) is The First Time. I'm always singing that song to myself..

Whenever memories come back to haunt me, I'll have images of us meeting for the first time, doing everything for the first time.

The phrase "first and last" is not gonna happen on me... *smiles*

Okie. Jumping off to bed now, class is at 9 tomorrow. Eeeks..

Goodnight tinkerbells. Cheers and be good for the following week ;)

12.55am

p/s: Its funny how I am calling him a nightmare now.. when all he was in my heart, soul and mind was nothing but a dream came true. I'm rereading the words that I just typed, and only to realise that the latter is read in past tense..

Verge of breaking down

2011-09-25T00:25:00.003+08:00

12.25am

Have you ever felt like breaking down all of a sudden? You may be feeling alright in a minute. Talking to a friend. Laughing at something. Reading a book.. and suddenly.. there's just this sudden feeling that creeps into you, making you impossible to fight the tears back.

Today's my turn.

Woke up as usual today to get ready for my usual Saturday routine. Opened my eyes.. laid down there for a while.. and out of the blue.. I just had tonnes of memories running in my mind and I teared. Even Da Vinci couldn't "decipher" my problem. Actually, it pretty sure looks like that I have no problems.. but its untrue! Its just that people can't see and feel my problems. But hey.. if you ask me what's my problem and why am I having such feelings, I'd like you to explain for me too.

Its just a sudden thing that strikes me every now and then.. I might be feeling okay a few weeks back.. but I guess this week's just not treating me well enough.

There are nights when my bears are safely locked in my arms.. I'd wished that there was someone that I could hug to sleep.. I'd wished that there was someone that I could talk to on the phone just for a little while. I'd wished that there was someone who could bring me out for a movie or so.. I'd also wished that there was someone who actually cared for me.

Sometimes.. I get so angry at myself for being so weak that I just can't stand myself anymore. The littlest things brings back the biggest memories. I just wanna cry.. but I need something to trigger me. I guess I oughta read more emo books or watch more emo dramas. Maybe that's the only way for me to cry you a river.

Its already the end of the week again. Last Sunday, Jon came over to my aunt's house in Sunway to ask me to teach him some of the oldies songs that I used to play. Invited him over for dinner too and after nomming down nasi lemak my aunts and mom made, he drove the lil cuzzies and I to Sunway Pyramid cause he wanted to make us all lemonade to drink! I insisted that I should wait for him outside, without having to go into the mall itself cause I was dressed rather hideously with my short pants that I usually wear at home!

I don't know if he was being mean or just bitchy cause he INSISTED that I go in with him to get the items that we needed and he said that I looked fine with my stupid pants. Ugh!!

Ended the weekend with a promise from Jonnie and CYD that we'll have steamboat my place before CYD starts her new job! That'd be next week! Hoping that they won't be ffk-ing me.

Friday was Arthur's day and everyone was so crazy bout it cause Taio Cruz was in town! Miku had a ticket for me and I felt kinda bad for turning her down.. one of the main reasons that I didn't wanted to go for the event was cause I didn't really like the idea of being in a crazy crowd, sweating and shouting for someone I don't really know.. (Sorry Taio) and also.. I gave myself a stupid reason of not having an appropriate piece of garment that I could wear for that type of event. Which was quite true. The only things I have in my closet are t shirts, jeans, shorts, cheongsams, MORE cheongsams, and dresses which I wear to perform.

My closet sure does sounds like a normal college nerd's and a workaholic's huh?

Sorry Miku for turning down your offer.. if you ever ask me out for clubbing or events like these again, make sure you'll come along with me to find a nicer looking dress first! Thanks Miku :x

We're heading back to Seremban for a food trip and I turned down 2 jobs just for a family day with my aunts, uncle and my lil cuzzies. *cries* There goes a few hundred bucks.. I guess there's always a point where you have to sacrifice a lil something in return for something else huh?

That wraps up my post for today.. summarised most of everything that happened in this week.. Have a productive week ahead and I hope you guys won't be as emo as me after reading this. ;)

Goodnight.

1.07am

Unspoken words.

2011-09-20T01:03:00.002+08:00

1.15am

My eyes are swollen again. I was watching a drama series just now and suddenly when they were emo-ing bout something.. my tears just fell uncontrollably. Its such a shame for me to be crying even after so long.. I really need to become stronger.. I need someone to talk to me.. Whenever I feel like I need to talk it out.. I click on the browser and eventually, I'll end up "talking" to my blog. How sad huh?

Today's the first day of college and nothing interesting happened. Had an hour's so called "orientation" and went back to cuzzie's house.

Hmm.. Do I sound stupid talking like this? I really wish someone would talk to me, bring me out, look for me, or do things with me to make me feel less lonely. Or else, I'll just get a new book and bury myself deep into the book and not think of anything.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Time to sleep.

But before that.. lemme just add one last thing..

No one in the whole wide world would ever feel and understand the pain deep down in a woman's heart when she's crying.. for someone.

Goodnight.

Its too bad that you don't appreciate me

2011-09-18T01:24:00.004+08:00

1.24am

Writing this rather reluctantly cause its already 1 in the morning and there's Westlake to play tomorrow, I really need to be getting some sleep..

Since I've already took the first step, why not finish whatever that I've done?

I was scrolling through Facebook just now and AGAIN, saw things that hurt my eyes and well.. a lil bit of my heart. The bloody check-ins in Facebook shouldn't have a stupid button to TAG people that you're with!!

Okay that's just a bloody excuse that I'm giving to myself but whatever.. I'm living in denial so what?

I really do admit that seeing fucked up check-ins like that do hurt me, so I asked myself this,

"what the hell are you doing lym?? why are you always thinking bout what people think? why can't you just think about YOURSELF for goodness's sake, ONCE?!"

Took a deep breath, and finally, I facebook messaged Pink and asked her the question that I've been dying to ask.

Me: "Hey, do you think I should delete the sister and bro-in-law as well? Those fucking check-ins are fucking hurting my eyes."

Pink: "Dude, fuck it. Just delete them la. Why the fuck are you still keeping them for?"

After thinking for about few seconds, I went to both of their pages.. no wait. Make it three. Since I also unfriend-ed their few months old son -_-, and click the 'unfriend' button.

I felt relieved and for a moment I've been asking myself again.. "hey.. do you think they'll say that I'm childish and shits like that for keeping grudges and unfriending them?"

And again, I told myself.. FUCK IT. Why the fuck must I care bout what other people think of me? Its up to them to think what they want to.

Its true that I actually do not have to unfriend them in fb, but heck, do you know how those 'check-ins' KILL my bloody eyes every time? I know that I should NOT have these type of feelings anymore, but what the heck? I'm a freaking human being. I'd be lying if I go around people telling that I've already let go of EVERYTHING. Not even 1% left? Now THAT'S a lie.

I just need more time to calm myself down. Though I've already let go about 80%, the other 20% still comes back and haunts me almost every fortnight. Sometimes I wake up after dreaming those stupid 'unwanted fucked up nightmares' at night.

I am not the one to be blamed. But why am I the one who's getting sleepless nights every day? Is this world a lil too unfair?

After browsing through the sister's pictures, I found 1 photo of the sister with 3 other girls and 1 of 'em was the CHINA SLUT. I'm so sorry to be saying this but what the fuck. She really did look.. BAD.

*coughs*

I was a lil evil la I admit but fuck it la everyone's evil! So I showed Pink and I actually had the damn idea of calling her a DVD seller. WTF?

She wore clothes like one. Please don't blame me. *disclaimer time - If you've done shits behind people's back, especially shits TAHAP KARMA, please get ready to be fucked upside down by other people who thinks you're a piece of crap*

I even drew a red arrow pointing to her with the words 'DVD MUI'.

Ok lar I admit I was damn 7 evil HAHAHAHAH but it felt damn fucking good. She really looked like one I AM SORRY I WILL NEVER CALL BAD NAMES ON PEOPLE BUT SHE'S SUPER MUTHAEFFING EXCEPTIONAL!!

Then Pink asked me this, "I'm still wondering.."

Me: "What? Why he chose her?"

Pink: "Yeah"

Me: "Dude, easy..."

1) Can fuck everyday. No wait.. what was the reason he gave to me? Can SEE everyday? fuck it la... fuck then fuck.

2) They're on the same level (sama bodoh)

3) They're both cheap fucktards (can fuck anyone anywhere anytime)

4) She's thinner than me (but boobs smaller than me, uglier than me LOL, AND OF COURSE, her ENGLAND is tahap lala mui tak bersekolah)

5) She's not as atas as me. I more high maintenance.

Pink: "Number 4 is not applicable. Number 5 is whatever.. Wtf? He so geng can do everyday?"

Me: "Ask the slut"

LOL.. what a conversation. So yeah.. Many people encouraged me to delete the sister, bro-in-law and the son. I've kept his other relatives since THEY are the only ones that was on my back when things happened. Those that I've deleted.. meh.. they can go live their own lives which I don't really care.

After tonight, I'll be foreseeing that tomorrow will be a good Sunday. Though Monday's the first day of class, I'll be looking forward for college! Meet new friends and continue on living my life.

LYM, がんばって！泣きません!

Goodnight tinkerbells.

1.50am

Someone like you

2011-09-17T01:12:00.004+08:00

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl, that you're married now..

I heard that your dreams came true

Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

Oh friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back, or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded that for me..

It isn't over..

Never mind, I'll find.. someone like you

I wish nothing but the best, for you too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

We were born and raised in a summer haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded that for me

It isn't over..

Never mind I'll find, someone like you..
I wish nothing but the best, for you too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares, no worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind I'll find, someone like you..
I wish nothing but the best, for you too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind I'll find, someone like you..
I wish nothing but the best, for you too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead..

This song has been playing on repeat every time I turn on my itunes/ipod. I just can't get it out of my head. Especially after watching the video, I really felt like crying.. but shockingly, I managed to keep it in again. Obviously I won't be finding someone like HIM... but I just wanted put this song on my blog, so that it'll never die in my heart.

Though the first few lines cut right into me, (and usually tears will come say hi to me at the first few lines) I'm always telling myself to NOT cry. I gotta stay strong.

Thank you Adele.

I found a trustworthy friend

2011-09-15T23:30:00.004+08:00

After forcing myself to blog after so long, I finally decided to do so! I've been lacking the 'spirit' to blog! Don't know if its because I have not much things to say or am I lazy.. but it has been an ordinary week. Mid-autumn festival's passed and this year's mid-autumn performances were lesser compared to last year. Not much people getting married this year? ;(

Went up to Genting for a performance last weekend and I was so lucky cause Freda was up there too! FYi, Freda's been my RO friend since FOREVER and we've not met before! Saw her status update saying that she'll be going up and walla~! Had the chance to meet up with her and she was such a sweetheart! Crazy and epic like me and most importantly, friendly and nice!

I've always been telling her that we ought to meet up at least ONCE but since she's still in high school, its always a little bit difficult for her.

After the last show, we met up for some drinks, then headed for dinner and the most epic thing we did that night was eating Gelato, sitting outside of the theme park with that crazy wind plus that lil drizzle that night! It was cold enough to kill us all but she was insisting that we must do it! So I had to nom some cookies n cream with my crazy babe while we 'enjoyed' the wind and rain that night!

It was really fun and we had a really really good time. Its been a while since I last laughed 'happily' like that night. Thank you babe, if you're ever reading this, I love you loads and thank you for listening to me that night. Even though it was the first meeting, but it really meant the world to me for you were a really good listener. You're fun and cheerful and I am thankful for having a friend like you. Finally we're real life friends now! No more virtual friends ftw!!

She also said that I should call her Freda and she only allows her real friends call her that instead of her online name! Privileged much? :)

After meeting with Freda, Pink came up to Genting with her friends that had planned to celebrate one of the friends' birthday! Had a good good time with them and when was the last time I went up with Pink? Hmm.. :)

I was quite surprised when his cousin messaged me on facebook the other day, she said that she actually saw me performing on the stage in Genting! She said that I looked really focused and so she decided not to disturb me! I told her that she MUST come to me and say hi the next time if she sees me! She's such a nice girl.. she even told me that her sister and brother really enjoyed my performance. Despite what happened.. she still treats me as her friend!

I should've asked her how much would it be if I traded back the Tiff and Co. bracelet. JUST KIDDING.

That kinda wraps up the Genting trip/Mid-autumn festival post.

We didn't take much pictures together but the one below was the one I liked the most! When I feel down and lonely, friends like her are the best solution to everything. Thank you Freda. *hugs* :)

Please also ignore my wet hair. T_T

I'm not alone after all. ♥

Goodnight tinkerbells. Happy weekend ;)

p/s: Its 1Malaysia day tomorrow! Bringing papa and mama Lum for dinner in The Ship again. :) Escargot ftw!!

Wake up call

2011-09-09T00:41:00.003+08:00

After what had happened for the second time, I finally told myself that I am officially an idiot for trusting people so easily. Yesterday I was out with Pink and a few of her friends till 4am and we chatted a lot about life.. I never knew that the person who's actually the closest to you can be your worst enemy in your life!
Not to say that we WANT enemies in our life.. but some people are just so stupid and effed up, they just wanna piss you everyday as their daily routine.

My biggest point here is.. to never ever trust any single one. Full stop.

I was really a fool.. even up until last few days.. I still was! But one thing triggered me real hard and it slapped me right on my face, asking me to wake up.. and I did. I know I said the same thing a few months back.. But now, I am admitting that I did NOT and I didn't mean it the first time!

But now I seriously AM AWAKE. I swear on my guzheng! Okay what a weird thing to swear on to but whatever.. I just know I am.

Talking bout my precious guzheng, we'll be going up to Genting for the Mooncake Festival show and we'll be playing 4, yes FOUR awesome sets at the same place I mentioned on my previous post.. Not so sure bout the time but I heard from the boss that the first set would be at 2pm and the last set would be at 7pm. So there'll be two more sets in between but lord knows what time we'll be playing.. so if you who're reading this right now who'd be going up there this weekend, do wave if you see me on stage! Its rude to not say hi to people you know!

Time to sleep.

Goodnight tinkerbells, and be good. *winks and sprinkles some fairy dust for love*

1.22am

Mom DRANK for the first time!

2011-08-31T14:56:00.014+08:00

An update for Mom's birthday! Again.. actually this post was supposed to be posted earlier but as I am writing this.. it is already 1:12am on the 4th. Tomorrow's a Sunday and I have to work again!

Anyway... let's move on so that I can finish early and zzz!

1 shot before we went out! IGNORE THAT BLUE SHIT PLEASE.

Went to Tao's for dinner and it was okay.. not too good and not too bad..

LSK and Mike nomming!

Tao's serviette.. Apparently they have it in US too. Really? Hmm..

Don't ask me wtf was LBB doing but he sure looks hungry here! Please also ignore that purple part at the bottom of the picture. Blogger.. Zz max

Salmon! Wasn't really impressed by their salmon cause it fell when I picked it up with the chopsticks! What the..

HAhaha! Gotta love this shot!! Look at Mom's face while she looks at me nomming down the California Roll!! Epic.

CHEEEEESY scallop!! This was really good and I had quite a few but soon I felt too jelak to continue eating this.

Mmm! Edamame! This one sure looks like a hairy bra. Again, please ignore that goddamn bottom part of the picture.

Bro and Mike eating Shishamo.. Looks nice but I dare not nom it down.. T_T

3 musketeers and LSK acting kawaii.. FAIL brother you fail!

Too full nothing to do, so camwhored.

Haahhaahha what the heck was I doing?! Birthday mama :)

Chekified!!

After dinner, we all decided to go for some booze and since Giza's pubs were too damn mother packed.. we went to SA's Overtime instead!!

Waited for that dude to 'hammer' that damn barrel of beer for almost 10 minutes and LSK got annoyed so he took his hammer and camwhore to piss that dude off. Just kidding. Thor wannabe!

Papa Baorock looking as Yakuza as ever. This is our first time bringing Mom and Dad to a pub for some drinks.. I think we've all finally grown up yeah? Dad certainly enjoyed himself, sitting there on that windy night while we chatted..

We had STARKER! How did it taste like? Beer-ish.. I guess. That's the best description.. Hahaha!

This photo's colour was not supposed to be this way but obviously Blogger messed it up again so I really didn't bother trying to upload it again. Whatever!

Mom telling bro that he and I are actually failed projects. HAHAHAHHA!! FOLs brother. We have officially named ourselves, Fail 1 and Fail Jr.

Jhan and Pink enjoyed teasing among each other.. *leaves them alone..* LOL

Gulped 2 glasses of Starker and hell yeah I enjoyed myself!! First time drinking this 'much' and I guess this is a good start!! They said that I looked like a tomato, so to check myself out, I took this uber idiotic looking picture of myself. I was not drunk by the way.

We were observing the Flaming Lamborghini the table behind was drinking and the waiter came to us and said that its a free gift for the birthday boy! MOM'S BIRTHDAY WAS ON THAT DAY SO WE HAD A FREE FLAMING LAMBORGHINI!! HHAHHA!!

Here goes! MOM BOTTOMS UP YAAAAA! Just kidding.. LOL!

Holy crap.. Mom's doing the real shit yo!! Actually, she was just posing but she sipped a lil bit and she gave up cause it tasted like crap.. Seriously, it did tasted like crap. Too damn sweet and it felt like drinking detergent.. not that I've ever drank detergent before but.. yeah.. even the colour looked like TOP detergent hahaha!!

Mike and I getting ready for some flaming lambor!

First experience so must take picture as a proof.

Happy Mama Baorock and look at the OT staff behind there! Haha.. syok sendiri much aye?!

Went home right after the flaming lambor and at first I didn't feel anything at all. No dizzy.. no sign of puking but its just that my heart beat was so freaking fast and rapid!

Got home, bathed and everything and as I was falling asleep.. I guess that's when the alcohol kicked in and I felt as if I was a lil floating and it felt so good! HAHHAA! Its like when you're sitting in a rocking chair. I slept really well that night and woke up with no headache!

So that wraps everything and I certainly do hope that there'd be many more nights like these to come!

Goodnight tinkerbells!

p/s: Was browsing through FB just now and as I scrolled down, I saw a muthaeffin check-in from his oniisan in law in Genting with them and WHAT THE FUCK?? Why the fuck did I even felt emo about? Aren't I supposed to be over that shit already? Fuck my life seriously. For a moment I really felt like removing his oniisan in law and oneesan but wouldn't it be rude of me to do so? Suddenly I just thought of the first time we met and shits like that.. We did have some memories there but I don't wanna give a flying fuck bout it anymore but I just can't control my damn mind to NOT think about it. Felt very emotional after I saw the check-in and UGH.. spoiled my mood straight away. Go fuck her up there la. No one gives a fuck. Cheap ass bastards.

So damn fucking lucky that I'm not going up to Genting to perform THIS weekend or else they'll CONLANFIRM see me on stage. THANK GUANYINMA and BUDDHA!!

I also had a feeling that he MIGHT.. just MIGHT.. (IDK why I have this feeling but its just a freaking feeling please don't say I perasan) be coming back this week.. please don't start asking me why but I really did have this feeling.. and WHAM!! I saw the check-in.. FML !!!!!

Please don't come to S. Pyramid to watch me tomorrow or I'll fucking slam my RED WOOD BLOODY HARD AND HEAVY guzheng in your face and that slut's face.

LOL. Just by thinking of that has got me pretty excited.. Anyway I am not joking.

p/p/s: Talked to jpop star today and felt so much better.. Had no one to talk to after I found out and he really talked me out of it.. can you believe that a cool guy like him actually asked me to be strong?! He even scolded him a dog and he said that that piece of shit SUCK. Memalukan kaum lelaki... which is quite true. He even assured me that karma will fuck that bastard's ass upside down so HAHAHAHA.. I laughed like crap after he said that. Well, I added the ass part la but he did said that he'll get his karma one fine day, which I am ANXIOUSLY waiting..

Let's see la.. one day.. ONE FINE DAY..

HoneyColor eyes!

2011-08-26T16:09:00.005+08:00

I am so excited! Look what arrived!!

Yes its my long awaited HC lens! Finally they had stock and I ordered 4 pairs in 1 shot. I know I shouldn't have did that without knowing whether they'd look good/feel comfortable but HECK WHO CARES! I was too excited and went all out!!

And they even have these cute little cases that they give out for free, and this is a Rhino :D Big nose!

A yellow frog! And I had 2 more, since they give 1 free case for every purchase of lens but I didn't really bother to upload the other two cases.

This is how it looks like inside the package! A glass bottle and inside it is MAGIC to make you look more CREEPY. Wait, scratch that. Looks more PRETTY! Actually, big lens like these do make you look creepier but once you get used to it, it doesn't look THAT bad actually. People might think that you look fake but heck, wearing coloured contact lenses is already the first step to making your eyes look FAKE. If you wanna stay original, go for normal boring lens without any colour, or just wear your glasses. I am not trying to insult girls who wear glasses or normal contact lens, wear whatever you want! But people should stop calling girls who likes to make themselves looks better FAKE. That's the last thing you should say. Oh no, wait.. being called FAT IS THE LAST FUCKING THING a girl wants to hear. So boys and girls, learned something from Miss Lum today?

*clears throat* I know this post is supposed to be on the 26th but today is already 29th!! I created this and saved it in my draft for a few days and OOPS.. I just forgot that I had a post to be completed. So.. the following pictures were actually taken on Mom's birthday (which was on the 26th night) but I'm just gonna post it here. Mom's birthday post will be in another post la!

Creepy pictures ahead, close window NOW if you are under 13, parental guidance would be strongly recommended.

Okay wtf just kidding.

Here!

Hello bigger eyes! Creepy? Scary? Hmm... I think it enlarged my eyes 3 to 4 times my original pupil's size.. Crazy huh?

LOL. Where are the white parts in my eyeeeee?! Don't have to photoshop for bigger looking eyes.. Just get a pair of lens!

Creepy one coming now..... super creepy... I look like those scary looking English dolls here!

WHAM!! Hahaahaha! I love these crazy lenses! I'd still be wearing my Freshlook lenses but HC, I OFFICIALLY LOVE YOU TO DEATH! I will buy you some more!! *runs around crazily*

Anyway, I do not photoshop any of my pictures because;

1) I do not have the software

2) Even if I have, I wouldn't even know how to do the simplest thing a photoshop user would

I only do super simple editing such as editing the colour and contrasts. I suck in these! *cries*

When I took these pictures, it was already 3 something in the morning and we just got back from Overtime celebrating Mom's birthday. Had 2 glasses of beer and a few sips of the Flaming Lamborghini since its free for whoever's birthday falls on that day!!

The beer was okay.. I think I had 1 pint and I felt alright except that my heart was beating rather rapidly. We drank the flaming lambo and went home straight after that, then when I was home, holy cow I felt DAMN floaty... it was as if I was floating and I felt damn good for some reason!! I am POSITIVE that I wasn't drunk cause I just felt happy and as if I was a floating a little.. I didn't puke or had any bad headaches or hang over the day after but it felt so damn good.

I took out my camera and shot a few pics of my eyes, removed make up, took a bath, and POOF! Fell on my bed and died. Not literally. Then woke up the next morning at 9 something to prepare for a show. No headaches or such. I guess I was just 1 or 2 steps closer to getting drunk.

I don't eat young grass..

2011-08-24T21:59:00.003+08:00

Its a quiet night tonight..

Just got out from a hot shower and immediately I relaxed.. I've been losing a lil of my appetite lately again.. Not a bad idea still huh? Not skipping meals like an anorexic but am just eating lesser. Impacts like these sure is good for diet, no?

Told mom what happened to me *again* in the car and she almost screamed out WHAT THE FUCK? I said, "Mom why are you so angry?". Mom's reply, "I'm very upset that the bugger has lied to my daughter again!"

Tears almost fell.. Mom I love you. I do. I swear I'm not going to get cheated on again. You were the one who was with me 3 months ago on the 29th. You were the one who held me in your arms when I cried. You were the one who told me that it'll all be okay while you stroke my head. Thanks mommy for being there for me. Friday's your birthday and I hope you'll be happy and I hope you'll live longer than me. Haha.. I don't wanna see you and daddy go before me. That's my biggest wish in my whole life. *smiles*

Recently I've added back my RO mates in facebook and come to think of it, I've been playing since I was 12 or 13. I was pretty much addicted to it, even until now, I still am! I also added my first RO 'boyfriend'! How surprised. He still looks so damn bloody good.

He's thin, hot and super cool! He looks like those boys from a J-pop band. Though his hair is long, quite lala-looking and all but damn he's still hot! Never changed a bit but he's still as cool as ever. -_-

I knew him when I first started playing the private server and hey! We were a couple then! Hahaha.. Can't believe that now but I think that's what kids used to do those days. Of course, we were just RO couples not real life couples but he was really good to me then. So proud to have him as a RO partner then okay, since he was the most 'powerful' guy in the whole server. Wuah.. memories!

How did we 'end' it? We just stopped playing one fine day and we didn't talk to each other on MSN too.. weird huh? Now that I think of it, he was a really fine looking guy. Jap face!

There's a guy who's trying to woo me recently. He's younger than I am and he's been really pushy... I felt a bit geli cause I don't think I can go for guys younger than me. He's been liking my pictures and calling me really geli names.. Eeek.. Sorry boy, I don't eat young grass. Maybe you'll first have to learn how to NOT be so pushy..

Am kinda looking forward for the coming weekends. This and next weekends I'll be playing in Sunway Pyramid's new wing for the upcoming Mooncake Festival. We'll be playing at 2pm so make sure you're there waiting for us if you wanna watch! And on the 10th and 11th of Sept, we'll be going up to Genting for yet another MF show! Yay! Cool breeze! We'll also be performing in Timesquare (that place with the biggie stage and the cinema on top, and oh! The grammy award statue too!)

Going back there would also be bringing back heaps of memories.. I used to go up to Genting to perform almost every weekend last time.. Hardcore!

Will update the time of our shows in Genting next time when I know!

Time to sleep now.. Goodnight tinkerbells. :)

1.57am

Angry updates on a cold night

2011-08-23T00:41:00.004+08:00

My shoulder's been hurting pretty much these few days.. I realised that the pain gets worse whenever I come back from a performance or after a long day of teaching. I guess my posture when I play gz is the root to all these pain and aches. The gz stand's always a little bit too high and I always have to raise my shoulder a little bit higher than usual when I play. I feel so uncomfortable now.. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just to hit my shoulder real hard because it feels numb and annoying.. I can't sleep at times.. Sigh.

I've paid so much for the doctor in Seremban but in the end, not only did he failed to make me feel better/heal me.. he even made my hormone go crazy! I had period for 3 - 4 months non-stop during that time.. and he told me that it was normal! Wtf and I trusted him.. The feeling of having period for 3 fucking months is no joke.

So now here I am.. back with this stupid shoulder ache that won't be leaving me anytime soon. By the way I stopped going to the clinic in Seremban already.. so now I don't have my period for 3 months no worries!

Sigh.. Sometimes I feel so damn emo when it comes to my own body. I get sick almost every month (or 2 months once) and when I am sick, I am REALLY sick.. Especially during CNY season when I work like a donkey.. Last CNY, I stayed in the toilet puking like mad when everyone devoured into those awesome dishes my mom cooked. I puked every 5 minutes. Crazy or what?

And when it comes to aches, my shoulder ache's been with me since few years back.. I guess it was also because of work that I got this shoulder ache. I carry my gz all around like crazy and thus.. look at what happened to me today. So girls, please take care of your own body.. You don't wanna end up like me!

Still waiting for Dad to bring me to the doctor's to check. What freaks me out is that I need to bring my X-Ray too! Looks like such a big fuss right? Sigh sigh.. I wanna recover so badly.. I can't sleep well at times.. :( Can I chop my shoulder off?

Okay just kidding..

Mom helped me 'kuat sa' just now and look at all the heat from my body! 'Kuat sa' should be read in Cantonese and to make it simple, it relieves the heat inside your body. When its red like that, it means that the inside of your body has a lot of heat and after doing it, you'll feel less tired and more relaxed. Don't worry. I wasn't tortured or such.. mom just used a spoon and rubbed on some medicated oil (minyak angin/fung yao) on the parts which I don't feel good, like.. my shoulder and neck, and just use the spoon to rub it (not so gently) and these red thingies will pop out. If nothing comes out, then congratulations.. you are healthy enough.

Felt so good after doing it and though it helped to relieve the ache a little but its not completely gone yet.. I seriously need to go for some proper medication and treatment. Sigh..

Today's girl band lunch was okay. As usual.. we're all satisfied with the food in Ole Ole Bali. Good ambiance and quiet. Didn't snap much photos but here's one photo enough to make you hungry right now.

Chicken and fish combo. Mmm.. heaven. Portion is big and price is okay too. I love their mash potato! I couldn't finish the salad and I gave the corn to Xin Hui cause I don't really fancy corn..

Left at 3 something and went over to Carmen's house to teach her again since exam's on this Sunday. Good luck my dear. As usual, I'll get you a present :)

Don't let me down!

A photo of me and my husband, lum-chan.. Don't ask me how I came up with the name... I just have to name everything! Effect's done with something else, not with the camera itself.

See those stick it notes at the back? Haha! I'm such a hardworking musician! *perasan*

Last! Cikgu Lum says goodnight and tata!

p/s: Felt kinda moody today after what happened last night and the night before.. Talked to auntie cat and cried again.. Never knew that this would still make me cry even after 3 months.. I really need to get over this completely and stop wasting my time for someone who didn't even appreciate the SECOND chance I've given. Loretta told me to not be so stupid anymore and she also said that 这个人已经不能要了。。 (you can't accept him back anymore..) and yes.. even as a friend.. Not anymore. I really need to stand up.. I fell down twice.. And now, its time for me to move on because he was my yesterday. My tomorrow's gonna be filled with awesome people and awesome happenings. I have no time to waste on him anymore. I should just let him go ahead with whatever decisions that he has made.. But there's just one thing that I really really wanna let him know..

That is.. I really regret so much.. I used to tell you that I will never regret knowing you. But now, I do. I feel so disgusted and I regret every single second I spent with you. You are nothing but a filthy dirty little worthless liar that doesn't know how to appreciate anything in this life. All you know is how to satisfy your sexual needs with that whore of yours. I am the stupidest human in the surface of the earth for trusting you again. You showed me nothing but lies, lies.. and more lies. Said you won't be loving anyone else for a long time after this? Liar. Look who's talking. Please.. stop talking bullshits. If you want people (like me or your friends) to stop saying what a pile of cow shit you are, then you should really stop doing shits.

If I were you, I'd rather die in a well that's deserted in the middle of no where. Well, at least you've still got the guts to be fucking her. Since you didn't even had the balls to admit for the second time (AGAIN), I almost forgot that you're a guy.. cause dude, where's your balls?

I've had enough of this crap.. You're the most worthless guy I've ever seen.

Stay in your comfort zone now and enjoy fucking her as much as you can cause you're not gonna be having this 'delicious chinese dish' with you for long. Watch out, she may be fucking someone else behind your back too.

Look into the mirror and see what a bastard you are. You deserve none of my respect and I will never EVER respect fuckers like you. If there's an award for the shitties most fuckiest and sohai-est, you'd win it hands down.

You are nothing but a piece of crap. Even a dog's piece of shit worth more than you.

Get the fuck away from me.

Test shots with my baby lum-chan! Love!

2011-08-21T19:41:00.010+08:00

Today's post will just be a short one to update on my new camera.. And warning, there'd be some cam-whore shots so don't say I never warn you guys. Kindly click the X on the top right corner of your screen to not see my vain photos!

So, for those who've decided to stay, here you go!

Some shots from my Lum-chan! Nice name! LOL!!

Trying out the pinhole function. That's the manual and my awesome pen from Muji. I love Muji! I want them to open branches here! Yes, that's the Sims at the back there on my screen! Facebook did a damn good job having the Sims as one of their games. I am so addicted to it now! *builds house make out with my boyfriend in Sims LOL!!*

Tried my cam with Ivan leng zai! Pink messing up his 'kalipok' hair! Haha!

Omg! I love this picture of Ivan! LOOK AT HIS FACE!! His expression's priceless! Obviously Pink's trying to smoooooch him! His face omg!! Its like he's saying "OMG PLEASE PLEASE I BEG YOU PLEASE DON'T KISS ME!" Hahhaa!!

Oh my.. I really wanna pinch this boy so badly! He's the loveliest, cutest, most adorable child I've ever seen in my life! Everyone loves him so much! Ivan dear! I'll see you tomorrow kays? *muaks!!*

2nd warning! You can still close the browser now!!

Some camwhore shots of myself *shy*

Most of them are taken on the............... BED!!

...........................

What were you thinking?!?

Disappointed? Go away if you are!

Uploaded this picture as my Facebook's profile picture and so many people said that it was scary. -_- Is it THAT scary or not?? I didn't intend to take scary photos.. Maybe it was because of the lighting and my hair.. Hey my hair fell down naturally like what Bruno Mars sings okay?!

Anyway I like this photo too.. Seems mysteriously weird and since halloween's coming.. might as well right?

This is also my favourite.. :) Of course all the photos here are my favs if not why am I still uploading them on my blog right? *sneers*.. Anyway this picture doesn't look like me. Did some MINOR editing on the brightness and contrast.. How I wish I know how to use photoshop.. then my photos will look like superstars. HAHA!!

Listening to Monalisa by Julio Iglesias while typing this now.. Wondering if there are people who looks so special like Monalisa herself.. or is she just.. an art? :(

My childhood hero. Totoro which I got from China few years back. He helps me hold the curtain in my room with his chubby body so that the curtain won't flap when the fan spins.. Hahah! Sorry baby, to use you like this!

Another test shot taken after a performance.. My bed's super messy! Look at my silly bears behind there! Lying all over the place like nobody's business! Never mind sayangs! Mama hugs you both every night to sleep right? ^^

Last one.. I'm still not very used to my lum-chan yet.. that's why there are some photos that looks different compared to the others.. I shall read the manual or ask someone who has the same camera as me and camwhores as much as I do!!

Setia Alam has an Overtime! I felt really down today.. Cause I found yet ANOTHER concrete proof of him lying to me. 7 sien like fuck. I really hate the blackberry/iphone facebook check ins that allows tagging. Saw some unwanted low class china whore checking in with people I know on facebook. fuck my life.

I wanna drink beer!! Since its so near to my house, I guess I am finally approved of drinking right? FUCK IT LAR!!

Sims time.

Enjoy my pictures!! LOL!!

p/s: Aww I had such a fun time chatting with him today.. How I wish all guys can be like him! Polite, sweet, humble, has a good sense of humour, talented, AND CAN SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH!! Finally, some of the traits that I've been looking for.. awwwwww... such a nice guy he is!! *awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

p/p/s: Will be having lunch with the girl band tomorrow. Joanne's leaving to Korea for a month and Wei Nee's leaving to Genting for 3 months, and Jesmine's gonna deliver her baby soon!! Girl band's gonna stop practices for a while and tomorrow will be our last lunch (for the moment) and we're going to Ole Ole Bali for awesome noms! Will take more photos and blog about that *winks*!

p/p/p/s: Remember my post on the Disneyland went cuckoo the other day?? I posted a topic in Blogger's forum and the top moderator....... *speechless* he did tried to help me but he gave up after 10 seconds. So after I almost diu chao with him, someone finally gave me an USEFUL answer on how to decode all the codes. He said something bout urldecode but didn't give me an exact way on how to do so.. I pm-ed Deb at night and 1 click from her.. she did all the magic.

Turns out that my post gone bonkers halfway when I was posting and all I needed was just to go to a website that decodes url codes and click and my post will be back again.

A TOP moderator in Blogger/Google can't even do that and even said that he's never seen such a case before.. Embarrassing much?

Google things before you start speaking mr moderator.

Last goodbye.

2011-08-21T02:09:00.002+08:00

What made me happy today - a 5 year old boy hugged me after watching me perform tonight. He came over and talked to me.. he gave me a high 5 and hugged me twice, and also took a photo with me. He even asked me what's that thing on my leg.. which was my tattoo.

Then a German couple came over to me, thanking me for letting them hear such wonderful music. They talked to me and held my hands tightly to show how much they appreciated us, and our music. They even wrote down their house address in Germany, wanting me to go over there and look for them if I ever fly to Germany..

That made me smile.

Its so amazing how someone who knows nothing bout you at all shows how much they appreciate me and the simple things that I did, which was just playing songs for them. They don't know me yesterday, they just knew my name was Mandy (since they find it difficult to pronounce Yi Mann) and they talked to me.. held my hands and we chatted like we were old friends.

Can you believe that strangers like them appreciates me more than people that are close to me? I'm telling you.. they do.

Its also funny how some people can just treat you like a piece of trash when they don't need you right?

Came home and went online, and found out something that I really didn't wanted to find out. I found out a lie. From him. We're obviously normal friends now but he told me that he'd already kicked that bitch out of his life.. but guess what? I just coincidentally found out that he'd been lying to me again.

This time.. I am so tired. I was tired... but I am far more tired and exhausted than I could ever imagine.

I am too tired to think, to be angry, to be frustrated, to be sad.. and so much more. I have grown too tired of giving people chances which they dump it into the bin right away when I turn around. I am too tired of being an idiot. I am too tired of getting lied to.

Since you're already back together with her.. why do you send me messages once in a while? Why did you tell me that you were sad when the lesportsac in singapore closed down when that was the place you bought the purse for me?

Why did you message me to tell me that you've read my Disneyland post?

Is it even necessary? Its not. That's why I didn't really bother replying you..

But are you just trying to fool me? Or fool yourself?

Are you lying to me? Or are you lying to yourself..?

I've never felt so tired in my life before.. in my mind.. I just wanna wipe off everything about you. You make me feel sick to even have you as a friend..

Hey.. do you think I'm a muthaeffin cruel bitch to be saying this to you? I gave you a chance to be friends again, but is this how friends treat one another? NO.

You've lied too much to me.. and I am sick and tired of finding out.. of listening to you explain.. and telling more and more lies to cover previous lies..

I am so tired..

I am so sick..

I feel so numb already.

Today is the day where I felt something really strange.. something that I've never thought I'll ever feel.

I just hoped and prayed and wished that... we've never met before last 4 years. I wish that I'd have this sudden memory loss attack and forget about only you in my mind. I wish that I've never seen you before. I wish that I've never spoken to you before. I wish that I've never bothered to know who you were before.

I just wished that you never existed in my life before.

And I have just made a very crucial decision to forget about you, and this time.. I will.

I will never ever forgive you.

I will never ever give a shit about you.

I will never ever believe you.

You are the worst liar I've ever seen.

Today will be the last time I cry for you.

Today will be the last time my heart breaks because of you.

Today will be the last day for you and I.

Please piss off from my life.. I don't take liars as a part of my life. Especially those who doesn't change after given chanceS.

Today is where I mark a complete full stop in between us.

Sorry, and goodbye.

Just another rainy day

2011-08-20T01:31:00.003+08:00

*raindrops keep falling on my head...~*

Its raining very heavily outside.. right now.. at this moment..

So many things are running in my mind now.. Life.. and.. more life..

Wrapped around in both of my blankets now.. (yes, I have 2 blankets) I feel warm.. and secure.. but the emptiness in me is slowly eating up deep inside. Its not that I have no one beside me, I have everyone I need! My family.. and friends. They're always there for me.. Its just this 'weird' feeling that's creeping up on my back every now and then which I, obviously, cannot control when it knocks on my door to say hello.

Thunder's roaring ever so loudly now.. I enjoy listening to the rain when it pours down like nobody's business.. especially during nights like this when I just need a wee bit time to relax myself. I've always loved the rain.. when I was young, I would always hope for the rain to come pouring down everyday.. since I don't go out too often to play around, I certainly wouldn't mind some dark skies and some cool wind, bringing along the downpour. I wouldn't need to worry bout getting my shoes dirty with mud and all.. I stayed home everyday and I would prefer watching the rain fall from my window, rather than going out to the park for a walk.

Antisocial much?

As much as I love the rain, there's always this strange feeling that comes into my mind. Its like.. I'm getting afraid of the rain! Nights like this are those when I feel lonely and sad. Not depressed.. just sad. Its amazing how the weather affects one's mood huh?

It just got me thinking, and thinking.. and thinking. Sometimes.. just sometimes.. not too often.. I'll feel the tears having this party in my eyes shouting "let me fall!! let me fall!"

There are times where I just wanna breakdown and cry.. Cry with the rain! I just wanna cover my blanket and cry in the dark where loneliness and the night are the only companions I have left when the sky's painted in a mysterious black..

I just can't. Its not like I'm fighting back to not let it all out.. the tears just won't fall out. And after a while, I'd end up falling asleep. Maybe for some people, falling asleep while skipping the crying part is better than crying THEN fall asleep.. but for me, the more I hold it back in, the more bad I feel.

Is it so hard to cry? I don't know.. I've lost the meaning to cry.

A week ago, I bought this book by Haruki Murakami.. and the title of the book is "Norwegian Wood". This story was about 1 guy and 2 girls.. and of course there are other people in the book but let's just say that they're not as important.

I won't be giving a complete summary of this book but there are parts which I really dislike about the whole story line.

Of course, the story is based in Japan and basically everything's about Japan. The main guy has feelings for girl A which suffers from mental problem and because of the girl's sickness, it was quite impossible for them to be together. So this girl stays in this really rural area where they had this 'health care center' to keep people like her. The reason why girl A actually got this sickness was because of her ex boyfriend who committed suicide previously, and girl A couldn't take it.. thus the sickness. So... main guy really really likes her and girl A even made him promised that he has to wait for her to recover and then when she recovers completely, they'll live their lives together forever.

But main guy has this so called 'need', which is to sleep with girls. He'd go to bars, get himself drunk, know a few girls, go to love hotels.. and spend the night making out with some random girl that he'd pick before.

I mean... seriously? Guy likes girl. Guy fucks around with ANOTHER RANDOM girl to satisfy needs? I understand that its hard for the guy to resist the temptation since girl A also suffers from ahem.. "can't getting wet" but how can he go around, fucking some random girls when his heart is already the girl's? Is this merely an excuse for him? Is this why he has a 'green card' saying GO just because girl A suffers from this disease? She didn't wanted to be sick, she needed someone's love, and heck, even she has sexual needs at times but don't you think that its so unfair for the boy to be doing these behind her back?

Did girl A go around fucking random boys in the health care center? No. Instead.. she had to fight everything alone since she had no family members with her.. just a close friend whom she met while she was there.

Continuing, girl B appears. Girl B is this girl whom main guy has met in his college and basically they're just normal college mates. Girl B has a boyfriend but eventually, she fell for main guy. At first they started off as normal friends but when girl B asked main guy to go over to her house to sleep (not make out, just SLEEP) with her, HE AGREED!

What the fuck? Okay they didn't fuck but he still slept in the same bed as her, hugging her in his arms, brushing her hair until she fell asleep. Is this what friends do?? Even my mom doesn't do that. Who the hell holds you to sleep? Your husband? Your wife? Understandable.. but a freaking friend? Isn't it a bit too much?

So yeah. Girl B realises that she likes main guy a lot. Broke up with her own boyfriend and went for main guy instead. Main guy somehow pissed girl B off and she ignored him for a few months. Apparently main guy misses her and wrote letters to her telling how much he misses her and how much he wants to talk to her and shits like that.

What the fuck second time. Hello? You have a girl (A) which you already like which is staying in a bloody health care center suffering from MENTAL PROBLEMS who gives you *ahem* fellatio even though she can't let you fuck her!! She did SO MUCH to try to please you and love you and fought the sickness SO DAMN HARD so that she could get with you.. and here you are telling how much you miss girl B??

Fuck it. This is one fucking point that I can NEVER understand about MEN. How can you love 2 people at the same time? If you've chose to go for sky diving, hell no you would wanna choose swimming as well. How in the world can you go sky diving and swimming together? How can he be so selfish?

Anyway.. in the end.. before girl A could find out that main guy prefers girl B, she committed suicide because her sickness got really bad that she was hearing 'things' and more...

Its sad that she died.. it is. She died without knowing that main guy has already chosen girl B which was always near to him (unlike girl B, girl A stays in a rural area like I mentioned above and it takes hours and hours of bus rides to reach there from Tokyo).

Even though girl A really loved main guy... main guy still couldn't resist girl B just because she was.. a more normal person.. and I guess.. that she was always there whenever he needed someone.

In conclusion.. girl A died because she couldn't take herself no more.. but without knowing that main guy's already falling for girl B. Actually.. main guy didn't know what to do.. to choose girl A or B.. until girl A died. It was only when girl A died that he 'approved' himself and went for girl B.. so now tell me.

What if girl A didn't die... and what if girl A recovered? What if main guy did not tell girl A that he is already dating girl B because guy's afraid to give girl A a big impact since she's sick.

Would he date girl B and still hold on to girl A? What if girl A recovers and goes to Tokyo one day to look for main guy? Would he only tell girl A then?

"Oh sorry I'm dating girl B now but since you can't take too much impact and bad news so I chose not to tell you. Oh well, you're okay now aren't you? So yeah we're dating. Sorry to say that but you can go back to wherever you came from now."

If he said this to girl A, I guess girl A would pick up a razor and fucking slash her wrist in front of him. But in the end, girl A still died and I guess main guy felt a little bit better because he didn't need to choose anymore. All he had to do was just go for girl B and live their lives together.

Wouldn't he feel guilty? For not keeping his promise?? Girl A suffered like a bitch there.. and main guy fucks around with random girls and did 'not-so-good' stuffs with girl B..

I wonder how cold-blooded.. wait.. that word won't do.. I wonder how FUCKED UP a guy can go to sometimes. I clearly know that this is merely a story written in pages and pages and compiled as something called a book.. but.. I just hated reading parts where the main guy would do shits behind girl A's back.

Its either their sexual needs are too high, or their sexual needs are STILL too high. There's no ONE single reason that you can explain to someone why you cheated.. or rather.. why you fucked someone else instead of your own partner.

When one's cheating.. wouldn't they see their partner in their mind whenever they close their eyes?

What are sexual needs??

Do you really need to make out every day?? Do you really need to wank every day?? Do you really need to fuck someone else just because your partner's so far away from you?

This is plain stupid. Just one word. Stupid.

I kinda got emotionally wrapped up when I was reading the book.. But I soon got those emotions away from me and continued reading it without burning the whole book whenever the main guy cheats. Overall its still okay.. I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5.

Maybe finishing the book also made me feel emotionally confused.. There are parts where main guy and girl A would hug and talk which made me think back those days..

All I could do was just letting out a big long sigh..

What is there to do now when everything's already gone?

The rain has stopped falling so furiously.. I guess its still drizzling. My hands are getting cold and stiff as I continue typing. I'd better get some sleep since I'd have to teach in the morning and perform tomorrow night.

I wish it'd rain some more.. since there's no more "a special someone" in my heart.. I guess the rain would be a fantastic companion for the night..

Goodnight.

I AM SO ANGRY

2011-08-18T00:22:00.003+08:00

Blogger changed my previous post to some alien coded language which I am not very pleased at.
I can't undo anything right now and it has to stay that way!
It was okay the first time I posted it, after realising some mistakes that I've made, I edited it and re-posted it again (like how I usually do DUH) but then some kinda alien coded language came out instead of the usual ENGLISH!!

I am hoping that they can GIVE ME BACK MY PREVIOUS POST!

I am not gonna post it ANOTHER TIME and I WANT THEM TO HELP ME DO SOMETHING BOUT IT TO RESTORE MY PREVIOUS POST!

BLOGGER IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT THANKS

HK day 7 - DISNEYLAND!!

2011-08-15T19:50:00.028+08:00

Finally! The long awaited... *drumrolls*..

DAY 7!! My DISNEYLAND post!! Yeehaww!! *throws confetti*

I was really excited bout visiting Disneyland.. I've been watching Disney cartoons since I was a child! As much as I love Disney cartoons.. I've watched Studio Ghibli's cartoons too! Everything done by Hayao Miyazaki and Joe Hisaishi would be 'favourited' by me straight away!! So is Disney's!

Disneyland and the Studio Ghibli museum are the two places that I MUST visit before I die! Now that I've visited Disneyland HK, all that's left is the rest of the Disneylands in the world and Studio Ghibli! Once I step foot on Japan, I WILL GO CRAZY AND VISIT S.G. AND DISNEYLAND TOKYO STRAIGHT!!

So then, after spending a night in the cruise, it was time that we got off and say byebye to Pisces!

Bye Pisces!!

So XY and I then parted with Alan and Loretta cause they didn't wanted to come along to MY DREAM WORLD DISNEYLAND!! Off we went to the MTR station and finally we reached Disneyland's train line! SO EXCITED MUST TAKE A PICTURE OF IT!!

That's Mickey! Even the windows are mickey-fied! So cute~~

I expected everything to be mickey-fied once we step onto the train.. like the floor and all.. but even Disneyland's floor is just simple looking floors without mickey :( So sad..

Got off the train and here we come!! It was still quite early in the morning that's why there aren't many people here.

Oh my! Look at those people coming out from the train! We were one of them. Many of them are actually China Chinese and locals. Surprisingly there aren't many mat salleh. DAMN! No chance to see hot hunks again!

Stairway to my dreamland! *hops around*

Here it is!! Hong Kong Disneyland! Look who's standing up there welcoming us with open arms! Hiya there Mickey! Howdy?!

Once we stepped in.. all the soundtracks from the cartoons were playing on the speakers already! Such a warm way to welcome guests like me! Such a familiar tune! I was humming the songs whenever I felt like it for the whole day! One of my favs were Sleeping Beauty's "Once Upon A Dream"! It really did felt like home!

That's Mickey on a surfboard! It moves up and down too! How cool! The weather was so terribly hot plus the sun was burning every piece of my skin! I really had a damn bad time trying to not faint or die from the heat.. Look at those people holding umbrellas and you'll certainly understand how I felt.. Unfortunately.. we had no umbrellas/caps/hats.. I only had my shades on.. and my shades broke halfway. FML max.

Donald.. as usual.. grumpy as ever!

Welcome to HK Disneyland Park! So happy!! Yippee! Almost everything was in Chinese.. Ah.. Even the guides and plays had people talking in Cantonese..

I see Mickey! Yup.. that's him with the magic robe. He appeared this way in Fantasia. One of my favourites!

While we were queuing for the ticks and we saw people selling umbrellas. A LOT of umbrellas and caps. They were certainly making big bucks out of it since tons of the people bought from them and 1 umbrella can be sold up to 100 over HKD! That's crazy! Most of those who bought are China Chinese and locals. See how rich they are? But the umbrellas looks like those we can get from pasar malam. How sad !

XY and I waiting for our turn to get the ticks! Getting ready to pay HKD700 to see good stuffs! Yes.. my earpiece of my sunnies was still working perfectly well then.

Lookie! I was so lucky.. my ticket was Tinkerbell! XY's was Buzz Lightyear! Heheehe..

This is a train station ;)

And below the train station, there's another mickey!

"Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy" How cool is that?!

This is only one of the shops that we saw once we entered. Professionally built and designed indeed! Felt so western and some shops even had the 'wild wild west' feel! Some of these buildings are actually real shops like bakeries, souvenir shops, jewelries shops and all.. the others which has no business functioning are just displays. They really put in heaps of effort to make every building look as real as possible. Some showed displays of beautiful English dresses and hats!

The first building that we went into. Was captivated by the word 'Art of Animation'.

This was our first show that we saw! Its the PhilharMagic and once I saw this, I thought of Fantasia straight awa2 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; ">

Can't remember whose house/castle this belongs to but it sure looks like some place I would wanna sleep in!

There you go.. one more pencil drawn picture of Beauty and the Beast.. I really wish I could draw so well. Whenever I feel like it, I can just pick up a pencil and scribble something like these! When I feel sad and angry, I'd draw the person I hate looking really nasty and ugly! When I feel happy, I'd draw colourful and cute stuffs! When I'm in love, I'd draw like the picture above! Ah.22 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; ">After the PhilharMagic, we passed by some Tikis and what the heck! THEY SPRAYED WATER!! Kids were enjoying themselves by getting sprayed by the Tikis and the parents didn't even bother to stop them. Imagine bringing a wet kid.. walking around for the whole day..

Ratatouille!

On to the boat ride! That's a fake elephant by the way..

Those are the cars from Cars! Ironic? Hahah! I only know the main car's name.. which is.. Lightning McQueen? I didn't watch this cartoon so yeah!

Part of the Disney's "town". Look at all those people holding umbrellas..

I really loved this 'shop'! It wasn't a real shop selling dresses and cloaks of course but the display looks really beautiful. How I wish they were really selling pretty Western dresses!

Took a photo of the Sleeping Beauty/Tinkerbell castle and the crowd. Are you wondering why I put / there? It seems like Sleeping Beauty's sharing her castle with Tinkerbell! Poor princess has to share her castle with a fairy :( Looks like Disney's making Tinkerbell their 'spokesperson' now! Hahaha! Wonder if the other princesses also shares that castle! Do you think they'll ever cat fight? Lol!

Pretty lamppost with Tinkerbell sitting on top of it ;)

Girl holding a BIG bunch of cute balloons! Wish I could buy one for myself but I'll be called insane :( We are even allowed to hold the balloons to take photographs!! Too bad I didn't get the chance to :(

Sorry for the really bad quality pictures. My camera broke down AGAIN and I totally gave up trying to restart it over and over again. Every photos that I took in Disneyland was taken with my BB. I was damn unlucky cause my BB ran out of battery before we finished the whole trip. FML.

Our first show! It was Cars 2!! Lightning McQueen came out and suddenly all these people wearing those racing suits came out and dance! Poor dancers have to dance under such a terrible weather.. plus they had to wear super tight suits! I don't have to tell you how much their make up is + the heels that they wore. Poor dancers!

Some random lake

Came close to another Mickey in the magic robe! Getting closer and closer to the castle!

Saw this Rapunzel's sign but it had nothing.. no doors to go in :( So disappointed. I thought I'd go up to Rapunzel's castle and see the paintings on her wall and say hi to Mother Gothel and listen her sing "Mother knows best"!

Instead, I saw these ugly (sorry to say but they are) looking princesses! Big heads.. weird facial expressions.. They kinda did a bad job in making these figurines..

This was our first show that we saw! Its the PhilharMagic and once I saw this, I thought of Fantasia straight away! We went in and waited for the show to start. At first we thought it was a 3d cartoon but we were super shocked when it started! IT WAS 4D! Okay I know I may sound a bit ulu here but it was my first time to watch a 4d cartoon! It was really cool. We were given the 3d glasses!

This!

Cute Mickey on the wall. The crowd was crazy! I was kinda afraid that we'd have no seats to sit but what the heck! When we went in, the theater was GIGANTIC!!

The inside. Behind the curtain's this really huge screen! It was a cartoon (with no real people in it) and it was so damn good! It started off with Donald messing around with Mickey's magic wand, trying to conduct the orchestra and he made a really big fuss out of it cause he obviously didn't know how to conduct! When he waved the wand (without Mickey knowing anything of it obviously!) the whole orchestra went bonkers and that's how everything started! There were water, wind, and even smell throughout the whole thing! How cool is that? I really enjoyed this the most and it's really entertaining! Their 3D effect was perfectly done too!

After the PhilharMagic, we passed by some Tikis and what the heck! THEY SPRAYED WATER!! Kids were enjoying themselves by getting sprayed by the Tikis and the parents didn't even bother to stop them. Imagine bringing a wet kid.. walking around for the whole day..

2nd activity of the day! Boat ride! Queued for the boat ride was a real pain in the ass. So many people and the queue itself weren't really organised and we had people cutting in the queue every now and then. They had 3 languages.. English, Cantonese and Mandarin. I really wanted to go for the English one but my friend said "I don't understand English wor!" Sigh.. I had to tolerate and we went for the Cantonese version instead, but it wasn't all that bad..

When we were in the midst of waiting for the boat to arrive, this lady with 2 daughters suddenly started complaining very loudly.. almost shouting.. saying things like "why is it not our turn yet?! why are there more boats for English and Mandarin but there's no boats for the Cantonese!? Its so unfair!! LET US IN!! HOW THE HELL CAN THESE PEOPLE CUT OUR QUEUE JUST LIKE THIS!?"

It was such an embarrassing moment because XY and I were just standing right next to her!! Everyone was looking at her and her daughters just allowed their mom to shout and scream like a mad lady. I'd jump into the lake and suicide if my mom did this in public. She complained and scolded the workers and the girl explained and explained and finally she let her family and XY and I in.. one of the guy even threatened to call the security but the girl managed to stop that lady from going amok. How embarrassing! She really reminded me of my ex-neighbour.. yes that crazy bitch!!

Random looking lake.. Took this to ignore the crazy bitch.

On to the boat ride! That's a fake elephant by the way..

This one looks like a scene from Tarzan. Monkeys and gorillas messing around with the professor's tent!

Haha! This is really cute! Rhino trying to poke their butts!

After the boat ride, we went and visit Tarzan in his treehouse! So cool!!

The set up for Tarzan's house was really damn cool. They made it look so real! This was the bugger who killed poor Tarzan's parents ;(

Look at what the bugger did! The house is a mess and Tarzan's family portrait's broken :( Told you their setting is damn good.

One of my favourite scenes. Forgot the gorilla's name but she's Tarzan's mommy.. That's Tarzan in her hands.. Phil Collins's song was playing in the background. Such a touching scene :')

Again, I really admired the way they set up all these stuffs like the background and all.. it looks so real!

They even had their story line written in 'books' like these! Those are actually made out of marble. How thoughtful of them huh? People who haven't watched Tarzan before can actually KNOW what the story line is thanks to this useful information provided for us!

That's Jane and Tarzan.. Jane's trying to paint portraits of Tarzan and so..

Look at the mess! The portraits are scattered all over the floor! Of course this was done on purpose!

I just love this family portrait a lot. It looks so real and... magical. I just can't seem to describe myself but I just love this a lot.

After visiting Tarzan, we went over to visit SIMBA! Yes Lion King!! The cartoon that made me cry when Simba's father died cause that bugger killed him! This play was so damn bloody good! They actually had people singing, dancing, and acting the whole play! How cool is that? They sang "The Circle of Life" and "Can You Feel The Love Tonight"! Love how those singers sang because when they sang, I HAD GOOSEBUMPS! Imagine how good they were but all of them are mat sallehs of course! By then my BB ran out of battery so this was the last shot I took in Disneyland.

After watching Lion King's play, we watched another play called the Mickey's Golden Award or something like that which was also good. They had people singing and dancing around too but the Lion King's play won hands down.

The last that we went to was the 'Small Small World' boat ride.. It was... kinda scary because it was a boat ride inside this enclosed area with SHITLOADS of scary looking dolls singiE

After everything.. we took a last look at Disneyland's "evening" view (with the lights turned on) and it was really gorgeous! How I wish we could've stayed longer for the fireworks but it was too late :(

Said byebye to my dreamland that gave me such beautiful and wonderful memories when I was a child and even till now.. and headed back home.

We left at 7 something and reached the hotel at about almost 8.30 and took a long hot bath and went out for dinner. Went to Muji again for some last minute shopping and look what I found when I reached the hotel room!!

A note left by Xi Ying (on the left) and Da Rong (on the right!) Xi Ying went over to Macau with her friends and she left me a really sweet note telling how much she'd enjoyed herself staying with us! Aww.. and that silly Da Rong left the note ON MY BED and said "Yi Mann, I am Da Rong.. Byebye!" What the heck! So silly of him!!

After a long long long day in Disneyland with loads and loads of walking.. XY and I had to make our legs feel a little better. So we had our legs dipped into the warm water and chatted a while before we packed for tomorrow.

Slept after we chatted some more and woke up really early in the morning to catch our morning flight.

Went to the airport with mixed feelings.. Part of me really wanted to go home and a part of me really wanted to stay for a few more days but I guess I'll just have to come back another time. This is my breakfast in McD that morning! Macaroni with egg and pork cutlet! The macaroni tasted weird but the pork tasted so damn good!! So much more better than our usual boring chicken cutlet in Malaysia.

I still had HKD200 over left so we went over to the Disney shop in the airport again to spend everything I had left!!

And looky what I found! I was so lucky to have found this Stitch USB pendrive!! It was kinda expensive but its really cute! I love Stitch!

So that wraps the whole Disneyland and also my HK trip posts. I took a really long time to update this up cause I had loads of photos to post!! If my BB hadn't ran out of battery I would have taken so much more photos! There's more for you guys to see in my Facebook! XY tagged me and you guys can go see that scandalous photo of Pocahontas's father and I! Hahaha!!

I wish you guys enjoyed reading my Disneyland post as much as I enjoyed myself in Disneyland itself. To those who'll be traveling to places that has Disneyland.. you guys should really go take a look of Disneyland. You won't regret it. Besides, who never watched any Disney cartoons when they were young? If you haven't watched any.. you should really go bang your head against the wall. *smiles*

I will visit all of the Disneylands in the world (and also Studio Ghibli of course!) before I die! *I wish!*

I don't mind working in Disneyland as a part timer at all.. Watching people laugh and smile like how we did that day really melts my heart.. :)

Buhbye!

HK day 6 - let's cruise!

2011-08-09T20:31:00.005+08:00

Day 6! This will be my 2nd last post of HK...

*whispers*

Actually I can really finish off even day 7, which is the last day.. but I'm so lazy.. Plus plus! I bought a new manga and a new book which looks pretty damn tempting! The manga I just bought is the 2nd book of the one I bought few weeks back! I need to finish it! And and and.. the new book! Its by Haruki Murakami! Its my first time reading his book and I was recommended by CYD so I'm gonna give it a try. Looks really tempting!

*gives out creepy look*

Anyway, we should really continue on with my super duper short day 6 which I am too lazy to update.

HERE GOES!!

okay. so it was day 6 already and we obviously had enough of shopping (honestly, I wasn't quite satisfied with my shopping spree cause its either there's not enough time or I had to save my money for day 7's disneyland) already, so we decided to go cruising!

But first, morning time!! Took a cab from our hotel and stopped at this place which I obviously forgotten for breakfast. They all wanted to try out nomming down fried PIGEON (yes pigeon) so therefore.. thanks to the hotel staffs that kindly told us where the best fried pigeon is!

So we went to this restaurant.. which is just next to a very run-down looking hotel and made our way up through the looong long stairs.

Jakun people getting excited eating pigeon. T-T..

Then, we saw this posted on the window. All HK stars!! That's laughing gor at the far right column, 2nd picture.. and right above him is Lei Si Jit which acted in the HK comedy show Fuk Luk Sao. Don't bloody know what his real name (in Chinese) is.. so if you know him, you'll probably recognise him wearing dresses and doing cheesy crazy stuffs in the Fuk Luk Sao show.

So star struck! Went in hoping that we could catch a glimpse of an actor/actress/star but looks like we were the only ones that time. FOLs max.

Empty much? Actually.. the hotel that was built right beside this restaurant looks REALLY DAMN RUN DOWN. It only took us about 5 minutes riding a cab from our 5 star hotel and we reached this place where it looks more like a village than where we were just now!!

The difference was so damn big.. it was almost hard to believe that a kampung like this exist only after a 5 minute cab ride from a 5 star hotel!

Still, this little kampung like place was real nice. Quiet and AT LEAST there were trees. Apart from seeing trees in Disneyland.. I really didn't know where all the trees in HK went.

Finally, sat down and ordered FOOD!! This is the LEGENDARY chicken porridge! Its FUCKING expensive for a REALLY SMALL bowl of porridge but OH MY GOD. it tastes SO DAMN GOOD I would never wanna eat any other porridge other than this in my life!! ITS SO GOOD! Its chicken is so tender! The porridge itself is soooo damn sweet. You barely need any soya sauce to make it taste EVEN better like what we usually do here! You just need to sprinkle A LIL bit of pepper AND OOOOHHH!! You're in HEAVEN!! Looking at this photo itself makes me hungry already!

And then, look what came!! On the right, its the picture of the pigeons. It looks damn gruesome. I know it tastes just like chicken but after looking at it.. I just can't eat it! So I skipped this dish and went on with the other dishes instead. By the way, if you could remember seeing a picture similar to this.. I posted the goose one at one of my HK posts.. but this time.. its a cute looking pigeon! AWW! Too bad!

After brunch, we headed over to Harbour City to meet up with wawa.. all 3 of us girls were so damn excited bout this cruise trip. We were SURE that we'd meet some hot mat salleh hunks on the cruise!! But look at what we saw when we were waiting to board the cruise..

......................... No blonde hair. No blue eyes. No tall 6 packs. No cute hunks who speaks in English. NO NOTHING. Everyone was either locals or china chinese. We were too damn disappointed to even THINK that there will be hot guys on the cruise.

potong stim maximum. As if that's not bad enough.. EVERYONE WAS 40 AND ABOVE!! UGH

We got on the cruise by using only 200HKD for 1 night and meals were provided! So cheap right! Thanks to wawa's supporters cum friends who helped us out!

Its a 4 bedded room and although its super duper small, I guess it'd be okay just to stay for a night. With our 200HKD, of course we weren't expecting a presidential suite. Loretta and XY excitedly posing!

Our Chinese dinner that was provided. I didn't eat much cause I felt nauseous cause the ship was SLIGHTLY rocking and it felt damn annoying and I swore I wanted to get down on land asap.

Right after dinner, we got up to the deck to catch a glimpse of the night view from the cruise itself. Took this photo with my bb and it fascinates me how it surprises me at times with shots like these. Not too bad huh?

Pisces. This cruise belongs to Genting, Malaysia! Apparently, according to wawa, this cruise is already considered a BABY. She was even in bigger ones. 3 times.. EVEN 6 TIMES of Pisces's size! And THOSE cruises.. have hot mat salleh in tuxedos holding champagne glasses flirting with girls with super white teeth showing out. UGH DAMN!! But still, this was a pretty good experience.

The evening sky. :)

Piano bar..

Snapped photos and after taking in enough of sea breeze.. we went down again to watch wawa and her fellow band mates performed. It was lively AND super duper funny. They not only sang and told lame jokes.. they even did acts! Ahh... I really had a good laugh!

Then, it was their break time. Since they had an hour of break.. 3 of us girls went up to the deck again since we were feeling nauseous AGAIN and it was so stuffy inside the cruise! We sat down, watching the night sky.. feeling the same breeze we felt earlier in the evening.. Wawa then came up and joined us for a short talk and we enjoyed every second of it.

Suddenly.. a bunch of INDIAN MEN (obviously I am not trying to be racist here BUT THEY ARE PERVERTED FUCKERS. that bunch I meant) came up to the deck and started talking SUPER loudly and they were disturbing those who were like us.. who wanted to just relax and listen to the sea and watch the night sky.

We ignored them totally and out of a sudden.. this two fuckers who were 40 over years old retards came to us.. stood RIGHT NEXT TO WAWA.. and said..

"how much?"

oh.my.god.

I SWORE THE FIRE IN ME FUCKING TICKED AND I FELT THE FUCKING FIRE BURNING IN ME!!! I was so muthafucking pissed cause they thought that we were china prostitutes! I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? Are you so muthaeffing desperate?!! FUCK THEIR LIVES.

They kept pestering and asking and at first, we all ignored them. We thought that by ignoring them, they would have at least left and fuck back to their room and jerk off to some jap porno or some shit like that..

BUT NO. THEY PROVOKED US MORE. THEY WALKED NEARER TO HER.. AND STILL ASKED.. 'HOW MUCH??'

I swore guanyinma was on my side cause god knows where my guts came from.. I shouted at them. literally.

I went..

"HELLO EXCUSE ME???????????????????????????? WE ARE ALL EDUCATED PEOPLE OKAY?? PLEASE! WE ARE E.D.U.C.A.T.E.D PEOPLE SO CAN YOU LEAVE US ALONE???????!!!!!!!!!!"

I swore it just came out from my mouth like this. I really wanted to say FUCKYOU so much but I was too stunned to blurt those words out. They are the most ball-less men I've ever seen. You know what they did?

Their balls SHRUNK. Oops.. do they even have balls? And they were so damn scared and shocked.. they said.. OH SORRY SORRY SORRY!!!! and left like chickens crossing the road.

TAKE THAT YOU BITCHES! Don't fuck around with us! We are no china whores so if you really wanna fuck someone so badly, GO TO HELL. ASSWIPE!

UGH!

I WAS SO PISSED!! I swore I just wanted to kick their sorry asses into the sea and let the cruise engine MINCE AND BLEND their bloody meat so that the fishes in the sea could have an awesome dinner. FUCK THEM!!

Continuing on..

Their band resumed and this time, we went to the piano bar and watched wawa and her two friends sing whereas the other two sang in the same place where we first went.

It was nice and cosy (despite the stuffy and I-wanna-puke feel) and most of all... quiet.

They sang more slow and soothing songs and we had the privilege to ask them sing English oldies for us. And the guy, who's name is Alex, sang SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn good.. 3 of us girls MELTED. His voice is sooooo....... I can't describe in into words but any girls who's listened to him sing will surely have her heart melted. We really enjoyed when he sing those English oldies like Rod Steward's "I don't wanna talk about it".. I fell in love with that song almost immediately. (I sing it in my shower or whenever I'm free everyday!)

Conclusion.. wawa, alex, and the other girl really sang very well. :')

Ending this with... look what we found in the toilet. A sea sick bag. Glad that we didn't puke in one of these. We managed to NOT puke throughout the whole night. Instead.. our boss, Alan and the biggest guy in our group, Rex.. were the first to go to bed. Girls can tahan sea sick better than guys!!

Disneyland post up next!

Goodnight.

p/s: Today is friday night.. no wait.. its already 1.47 in the morn.. so its already SATURDAY morning. yea yea.. I was too lazy to finish up this post on Tuesday so whatever!! Have to work tomorrow and am going to get my NEW LOVE OF MY LIFE.. my camera!! tomorrow!! Hopefully everything goes well and hopefully I'll get it tomorrow! *fingers crossed!*

Mwaaaahhh!!

HK day 4 and 5.. and some good ol' memories.

2011-08-09T01:47:00.002+08:00

After such a long time of not blogging, I am now back to continue blogging bout my HK trip! And this time, its day 4 and 5! I really wanna finish this asap cause I kept feeling like I've got something undone that needs to be done but I've been slacking off real bad these few days.. oh well! Here goes!

Day 4, which was the 19th, was the competition itself. So woke up rather early for breakfast and makan like nobody's business. I wasn't feeling THAT nervous.. I guess I already know that I can only do my best and not to worry anything. After breakfast, Xi Ying (she's not XY.. XY is xue ying!) went over to the nearest mall to get our hair done.
Finally found one salon that does hairdo services for people and so we sat down and let them do the magic. Those dudes working in the salon looks really cool and all.. the way they dress themselves up.. their hairstyles.. and all.. but the only thing that was 'wrong' was ... the salon itself.
It looks kinda rundown and its like those salon where its located in the same row as those old kopitiams... with these words "UNISEX SALON" brightly shining onto your eyes.
Yeah..

After getting our hair done, we rushed back to the hotel and dressed ourselves up and went to the hall. The hall was really cold and there were so many people in the same room and cause I was using my friend's gu zheng, I had no chance to practice beforehand so I stoned there looking at other people practicing.
I saw contestants from the USA and many more but honestly I didn't really had the mood to bother who they were, so I just sat there and I had to warm my hands with this bag that contains something something (forgot the super scientific name for it) that produces heat whenever you rub on it.

When it was my turn, I felt the nervousness just a little bit creeping into my blood. So I sat down and started playing.. when I first played, I just wanted to shout FUCK MY LIFE because I just can't get use to the guzheng! I practiced a few rounds before that but I just can't get the touch of it.. I screwed up a little in front and I couldn't finish the whole piece because they had a freaking time limit. It was like 3 or 4 minutes and MOST of us couldn't finish the whole damn piece! FUCK MY LIFE the second time cause we weren't expecting that at all!!
In conclusion, I screwed my song but I totally gave up and told myself that its okay cause its all over and I can't possibly tell them to listen to me one more time right?
So yeah.. the results were to be announced the day after, so when we're done, we hung around a while and went over to the mall connected to our hotel and had dinner.

Its weird how the people in HK really fancies the Japanese culture. Most of the food stalls in the mall are selling Japanese food. I ordered this okonomiyaki looking thing which I thought was okonomiyaki and takoyaki. Anyway its not an okonomiyaki fml. It was okay.. I was really in the mood for good food as all the stress and burden that I had on my shoulder's finally gone!

Went to Starbucks after diner and ordered my fav of all time - Green tea frap without whipped cream! Tastes a little bitter :(.. I still prefer Malaysia's GTF! Our dear XY (xue ying) teased and joked a while with the dudes that worked there and it was fun to watch her blush! Honestly, the guy looks okay lor!

After a long day out, we finally went back to the hotel and packed our haul stuffs. This is me acting silly with the 'blinged' specs (with no frames) that only cost HKD9. That's about RM3 here. Pardon the uber ugly looking me please.

This is part of my haul. Went over to Sasa and shopped like mad. Finally got my hands on the Dollywink products! Its so cheap there! I swore I would have bought more if they had more products :(
Their eyeliner is selling at HKD59 where Malaysia's selling at RM59. I went like WHAT THE HELL! I WANT MORE OF THESE!! But they only had one pencil eyeliner :(..
Got a pair of their lashes and a pair of their lower lashes and its so natural looking! Loves how natural it looks and most of all, they don't annoy me like how normal lashes do!

Part of my haul. Got myself only two pairs of shoes (no time and couldn't find those that I like), a dress, a skirt and a few stuffs.

Went over to Muji (my favourite shop of all time now) and bought some candies and tea for the family and we got this awesome thing called the "bath salt" that cost only HKD5 and they had so many choices to chose from!
Lavender, rose, milk.. you name it! Its so cheap! All you have to do is tear open the packaging and pour the salt into your bath tub and tadaaa~! You're ready for a nice hot bath!

Awesome-est baby in the world that's only 5 hong kong dollars! Chose Lavender cause I wanted to RELEASE STRESS!!

The bath tub before I poured the bath salt in..

Bath salt doing its magic, slow turning the water into purple! Kinda looks like sperm

tadaa~! Purple water! Hopped into the tub and read my book while I bathed! Ahh.. such bliss. I could do this everyday if I had a bath tub in my bathroom!

A nice cup of jasmine tea right after shower, just before sleep. Aaahhh~~~ Pure bliss! Simplicity at its best :) Day 5 was the results day and in conclusion I got silver! I'm one of the silver medalists and this is me looking like a child holding the new love of my life!

I was so glad that I got silver and as I ALWAYS said, I didn't have high hopes so even if I got bronze, I'd still be glad. :) Our room is so messy I know!

My trophy.. so heavy!

Two certificates! One's for me and the other's for my teacher.

Finally done! After the results, we quickly changed and went to look for Wawa Jie who was waiting for us at Wong Kok, so we had to change quite a few MTR stations to get there! She brought us for lunch and off we went for MORE shopping!

Came back almost dead cause we were too damn tired!!

Just a part of my day 5 haul.. How I wish I could find more stuffs to buy!

Packed our haul and bathed and changed and went out for dinner. Didn't know what else to eat and the nearest to us was the mall and so we settled down at KFC in the end.

Smallest chicken I've ever eaten in my life. Looked more like a pigeon. HK people eat KFC with gloves on. We made a joke out of it.. if HK people ever come to Malaysia's mamak or any shops that sells nasi lemak/indian food, I think they'll die after watching them eat with their bare hands. HK people's hands are too precious to touch the chicken.

We laughed at them and scoffed and ate our meal with our hands. FTLs.

After dinner dessert. Ben & Jerry's. This is the smallest cup and its already HKD32 bucks. YES ITS BLOODY EXPENSIVE but I HAD to try it cause it looked so damn good.. and when I nommed down the first mouth, I was in heaven. LITERALLY IN HEAVEN!! It tasted SOOOO good I had to sit down right beside their shop and enjoy everything before we start to walk again!!

Went over to Muji again, and this time..I got myself a milk bath salt. I wanted to have baby's ass's skin! Hahaha!

Looks milky enough? Again I grabbed my book into the toilet and read while I enjoy this heavenly bath!!

Went to sleep right after the bath cause we were too damn tired and that's about it! Will be blogging more on day 6 and 7 and that's it! The end of the trip!

Ending this post with a camwhore picha of me.. *close window NOW if you're not interested*

Let down my hair after the competition and I had curly hair for the night!

Goodnight!

*

p/s: Our old RO group created a group in facebook and we're reunited again! We chatted a lot and reminisced those old times where we used to go PVP together every single night! Aahhh.. good times. I miss those moments and I hope that I can get back on track playing RO again.. but everyone's got their own things to do.. work, studies.. so different! What's the biggest change? I guess its just me and him. We spent most of our time in RO for the past few years and if I ever play RO again, it just won't feel the same anymore. I was pampered by him in there. Level up, farming.. everything! Guess I really have to start killing Porings myself! Hahaha!
They've been saying that we need to meet up soon because all the while we've just been "virtual friends" instead of real life friends. I guess we really need to meet up soon huh?

Funny how this group brings us back together.. but just not you.. they asked me where you are.. and I told them bout us not being together anymore and they were kinda shocked. You were the 'boss' and I was the "boss's wife" remember? Haha..

This is the place where we used to hang out as a team. How I wish I can go back to those days where there's nothing much to worry about. No work, no stress.. no nothing. Every night was filled with laughter and excitement! PVPs, teammates scolding those losers from other guilds who come to our map to mess around, and most importantly.. times where we would chat till late night when everyone's gone to sleep..

I am not CONFUCIUS

2011-08-07T22:24:00.002+08:00

Huargh. What a long day today. Woke up at 10 this morning and prepared to go perform at Westlake. Played for 2 sets as usual and again I stoned like a stupid moai statue while playing.. cause I'm too used to this!! Ugh..

Went over to KeeJan later for a trial exam where we're supposed to listen to students play all 3 songs and then teachers will give comments. So.. I was sitting in the room where higher grades students were playing and one of my students were playing outside where lower grade students played.

My student and her parents went off right after she played so I didn't really bother. After everyone finished playing their songs, it was dinner time. So I checked my phone and I saw this miss call from her okaasan and when I called back, she bombarded me with so many questions that I was too dumbfounded to answer..

Like.. "Why the teachers comment that she didn't play 3 different tempos for the song" and blablabla.. so much more.

Honestly I was so stressed and as I said... I didn't know how to answer her. That time I just wanted to smash my phone and not answer anything but I couldn't do that right? OBVIOUSLY.

I really didn't know what she wanted. She just finished playing for the trial and she called me right after that to ask where her daughter can improve and all those. Seriously? Straight after? LIKE IMMEDIATELY?

I was so fucking pissed off and again I told myself that I will never become a teacher for my whole life because this is too fucking much! Parents are getting worse and worse DAY BY DAY! What do they expect from me seriously? Everyone makes mistakes and NO ONE.. let me repeat, NO ONE plays a muthaeffing PERFECT piece of song. Even Jacky Cheung or Jay Chou or even Mariah Carey makes mistakes sometimes.. What more you are just a student!!

Obviously they took the teachers' comments too seriously and they thought that their daughter WILL NEVER pass the goddamn exam so that explains the call. Anyway in conclusion.. I have never seen such weird parents and I hope that I will not be like them in the future.

FTLs.

On the side note, my shoulder has been aching a lot lately. Maybe I've been performing quite a lot and I guess its also from my handbag.. Can't carry my bags with my right arm that often anymore. Aihs... Looks like Dad's gonna bring me to the chiropractic/doctor soon to check on my shoulder again.

*cries*

Good night tinkerbells.

Have a happy week ahead.

Your fucking wish has been granted

2011-08-05T16:10:00.003+08:00

Woke up in the morning today with 3 missed calls from both my bosses. Checked my whatsapp and 1 of my boss told me that our performance that was supposed to be on the 9th of Aug, which is next Tuesday.. IS ACTUALLY TOMORROW cause they got the date WRONGLY.

It's a 3 piece PURE GUZHENG ONLY show and with the sudden change of date, I'd be playing with my other boss and Jonee my bitch since Loretta and Tiffany can't make it tomorrow.

Wondering how it'd sound like since 3 of us will be playing the same shit. FML.

Looks like its for some wedding anniversary in Bukit Tinggi or something so I'm crossing my fingers hoping that everything will turn out fine.

Finally got my eyes on the camera that I've been looking for. Its the Panasonic Lumix LX5 with Leica lens yayy~~ Gonna get it asap and since the white one looks really meh.. I'm gonna go for the black one!

After my Sony Cybershot crashed, I've been real depressed cause whenever I wanna snap pictures, MY FUCKING CAMERA WILL VIBRATE!!

fuckfuckfuck. Just like when I was in Hong Kong.. I wanted to just smash that bloody piece of metal onto the floor.

Ah well, 4 years old huh? Still remembered buying it when I was 16 and that bugger cost me RM1.6k!! Bought it with my own hard-earned money *sniffs*

Guess my camera died cause our r'ship died. The purpose of me buying this Sony cam was to capture our pictures.

Maybe after getting this new baby I'll be taking photos of someone else with me? Who knows right? *scoffs + sarcasm*

And oh.. your wish is granted Mister. *winks*

I'll be gone and I won't be so stupid anymore! Its partayyyy time!!

p/s: One last double check I did on my facebook pictures just now. Left some photos which I missed out and just a few clicks away~ I deleted everything bout him. This time I hope I've cleared everything about him away. Looked back at our trip to Gem and its like I was there alone. How ironic. Oh well.. :)

Pressing the stop button

2011-08-04T19:29:00.002+08:00

I guess I should really be giving up.

There's no use anymore.

Everything has changed.. and I know it. Maybe till now I just don't have enough courage to accept it.

I've been facing the world alone. I used to.. even 4 years back.. even when I was with him.. It was always me against the world. So why can't I continue doing so now?

Why does these memories still linger with me?

I just wanna stop shedding tears before I sleep every night.. thinking how this shouldn't be happening.

I just wanna feel okay again.

When a man loves a woman..

2011-07-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

When a man loves a woman,

Can't keep his mind on nothing else.

He'd trade the world,

For the good thing he's found.

If she is bad, he can't see it

She can do no wrong

And turn his back on his best friend

If he puts her down

When a man loves a woman

Spend his very last dime

Just trying to hold on to what he needs

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that's the way, the way it ought to be

When this man loves a woman

I give you everything I've got

Trying to hold on to your precious love

And baby baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman

Deep down in his soul

She can bring him such misery

If she's playing him for a fool

He's the last one to know

Loving eyes can never see

When a man loves a woman

I know exactly how it feels

Cause baby... baby..

When a man loves a woman

When a man loves a woman..

**
I need a man who sacrifices for me. Not a man who ignores my text and calls when I'm just calling and texting to ask if you've recovered.

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart

2011-07-28T23:25:00.004+08:00

I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been crying forever,

And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you, they're a mirror.

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,

If I stay here, won't you listen.. to my heart?

Whoa, heart..

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colour of my heart,

Blue for the tears, black for the night's fears.

The stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you, they're a mirror.

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart..

If I stay here just a little bit longer,

If I stay here won't you listen.. to my heart?

Whoa, my heart..

I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,

If I stay here won't you listen.. to my heart?

Whoa.. my heart..

My heart..

Oh my heart..

Really don't feel like blogging today. This song has been stuck in my mind for one whole day.. I'm feeling a little down and sad today.. No specific reasons.. Just felt so suddenly. Maybe its because of him.. I don't know.. Get well soon..

Pink bought me a new Thomas Sabo charm.. and its a star :)

Apparently she bought me a star cause I am a 'superstar'! Haha.. she bought herself one too and we now finally have the same charm *loves* Thanks Pink.. I would seriously get you the Pink kitchenaide/microwave if I have the money.

Thanks again! *loves loves*

Turning off the lappy earlier today.. Wanna bath and read a book.. and then go to sleep.

What am I thinking now? BBQ this Saturday night in my house~ Hope I'll get to loosen up a little bit.

I have to stop thinking of him and find myself some new friends. NEW GUY FRIENDS! *chef perhaps?* Wuahaha~ Hot chef!!

Goodnight tinkerbells.

11.45pm